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Doc. Feel - Thanksgiving, AIDS, Alcohol and Christmas Music.

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Wow, just 2 weeks until Thanksgiving! Lord, I love this time of year. The days seem shorter, the nights longer and everyone is busy shopping, making plans for visits and dinners and the overall attitude of everyone seems so much happier. I look forward to the boys coming home on Thanksgiving break and having all my family and loved ones around me. I know the boys look forward to sleeping in, not doing homework or studying. They get a chance to reconnect with family and friends and then only head back to college for a few weeks before Christmas break begins. I look forward to the laughs, the overindulging in food, food and more food. The smell of turkey, dressing and pumpkin pies. I even look forward to their messes and dirty laundry that I’ll end up washing. The laughter of watching them sit around viewing movies, taking them to see all the fabulous movies that come out during the holidays and a parents favorite past time of sitting back noticing how much they have changed and grown and appreciating their very existence.

Sadly, this time of year is also a painful and lonely time for many. For some, this time of year means financial woes, for others this time of year means colder weather without any shelter. Many don’t have any food, homes or way to give their children and families a Thanksgiving feast and celebration of family and friends. Some people have lost loved ones either by death, divorce or break ups and this time of year can bring out the depression at very-high levels.

For those of you, like myself who are blessed with comfort of family, friends and home take a few moments to think of those who surround us who aren’t as blessed or happy this time of year. If someone you know seems depressed, do your part to invite them to be a part of something, be a friend. Donate some food, money or time to shelters and food banks. It doesn’t have to be HUGE amounts, all the little amounts add up and every bit helps. If you know of a family that is less fortunate, buy them a turkey and some “fixins” and leave it on their doorstep. Leave blankets for the homeless and those who are cold. It will help you sleep better at night and the holidays become 20 times better. I know it always works for me.

Doc Feel-
Well, you were right. I was in for a homerun and things have been absolutely wonderful for the past few months. However, last week he was diagnosed with HIV. He wants me to leave him and he wants to protect me by pushing me away, but I see no reason that we still can't be together. I want to be there for him - through thick and thin. I love him, and I can honestly say that the happiness I've experienced with him is changing my life. He makes me feel complete, and the last thing I want is to lose him. He tells me that he must not deserve to be happy, and that he knew that as soon as he found true happiness and someone that loved him that it would be taken away from him. But it doesn't have to be that way. I've been tested, and I'm negative. I don't want to lose him and I don't want him to push me out of his life or run away from our relationship. But I don't know what I can do besides be there, support him, and let him know that I love him unconditionally. Is there anything else I can do? How do I get through to him and help him get through this? And what do I do to get through this myself?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated,
Lost

Dear Lost,
Know exactly what the true expectations are for yourself and him. Don’t romanticize the situation and think practically and responsibly. He has taken a major blow and it will take time before he can accept this so don’t push and let it all sink in. Love is standing beside someone, respecting them and allowing them the space they need to deal with a personal tragedy. Give him that. Let him know your love hasn’t changed, but don’t make comments like:
This doesn’t change how I feel for you.
This doesn’t change us.
That you understand how he feels.

Because that isn’t true and isn’t possible. It changes everything, especially for him. His life is now forever altered. You can tell him that you are happy and willing to accept the changes and deal with whatever… come what may, BUT be sure of that yourself before you say it. Let him know you hand is there for him and wait with love until he is ready to hold it.
Find some support for yourself. I have included a couple links for you:
The Center For Aids
Gay Center
HIV SUPPORT GROUP

All My Best,
Doc.

Doc Feel,
Can someone be an alcoholic if they only drink a couple days a week?
Need To Know

Dear NTK,
It depends on the severity of their drinking. How much do they drink on those couple days?

Binge drinking is the type of problem drinking most often engaged in by young people in the 18-21 year old age range. Within this age group binge drinking is more prevalent among college students than non-students. Researchers often define binge drinking as the consumption of five or more drinks at one sitting for males and three or more drinks at one sitting for females. Binge drinkers on college campuses are more likely to damage property, have trouble with authorities, miss classes, have hangovers, and experience injuries than those who do not. Students living on campuses with high rates of binge drinking experience more incidents of assault and unwanted sexual advances than students on campuses with lower binge drinking rates.

Alcohol abuse often results in absence from, and impaired performance at, school and on the job, neglect of child care or household responsibilities, legal difficulties and alcohol consumption in physically dangerous circumstances such as while driving. Individuals who abuse alcohol may continue to drink despite the knowledge that their drinking causes them recurrent and significant social, interpersonal, or legal problems.

Alcohol dependence is a chronic and often progressive disease that includes a strong need to drink despite repeated social or interpersonal problems such as losing a job or deteriorating relationships with friends and family members . Alcohol dependence has a generally predictable course, recognizable symptoms, and is influenced by a complex interplay of genes, psychological factors such as the influence of family members and friends, and the effect of culture on drinking behavior and attitudes. Scientists are increasingly able to define and understand both the genetic and environmental factors that make an individual vulnerable to alcoholism.
Doc.

Dr. Feel,
What is your favorite Christmas song?
DF Fan

Dear DFF,
Oh my goodness, so difficult to choose just one so I’ll say a 4-way tie.
Do You Hear What I Hear?
O’Holy Night
Mary Did You Know?
What Child Is This?

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Written 11.Nov.06 / Comments (0) / TrackBacks (0)