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Doc. Feel QC - The Holiday Blues
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Known as “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” Christmas and the holiday season aren’t always as jolly, merry and welcoming for the GLBT community. The holidays can be exceptionally stressful for our community for varying reasons. Often the lack of acceptance, feeling isolated from family, stress, people dealing with addiction and or recovery along with depression lead to a very blue-holiday season.
Doc. Feel, are the holiday seasons abnormally stressful for those in the GLBT community?
Sadly, that is most often the case. As a minority group, we don’t have the assurance of family support. Having a boyfriend/partner etc is wonderful, but if your biological family doesn’t or barely accepts you then it changes everything. It is common that biological families make comments about us not bringing our sexuality or significant other home. Many in our community feel they have to choose between their lives they have created apart from their biological families or return home to their biological families to only hide, or feel repressed by their families dark shadow of disapproval. This stress is owned and completely encompasses our group of GLBT community.
Doc. Feel, how do you think we should deal with this stress?
Many GLBT people have loving relationships, families that love them or celebrate their love, but many do not. For those that do not hear me when I say to draw near to you the family of acceptance that you do have. This would include partners or friends even a few family members who love and accept you for who you are. This support can be as strong as any biological family.
Choosing to spend time with your biological family should never limit your choices. Remember you have built a life and a home of your own and their home and life isn’t yours.
You decide how long you are going to visit. Whether it be a short day visit, or an overnight visit, leave yourself options. If it can’t be a day visit maybe you could arrange to stay with a friend or family member who accepts you for you. Don’t be afraid to make hotel reservations for the respite. Don’t spend your entire time with family, especially if they are not in tune with your life. Talk to friends or partners on the phone, make lunch dates with friends, anything to break up the overwhelming long stay with your family.
Now, comes the options for leaving. You can decide to confront any offensive comments or feelings and let them know this is why coming “home” to you is such an ordeal. Ugly behavior can be confronted, but that has to be a personal choice. You decide if that is appropriate for your individual situation(s). Make a plan ahead of time that if familial situations begin wearing on you or become unbearable, get out. Leave the situation, you have that right.
Doc. Feel, what do GLBT individuals do if they don’t have family or partners?
Some people like alone time, some do not. If you don’t want to be alone start taking some initiative to network and make friends who may be in your situation. Invite friends together that avoid family holidays or people that are alone and make a festive holiday yourselves. Reach out at holidays and offer to host a get together for others in the same situation. You will make lasting and endearing friendships and a support system this way.
Doc. Feel, I’m in recovery and the holidays are difficult for me. I worry about relapsing. What should I do?
During this time of year support groups for recovery are very active. Make your sobriety a priority and attend more meetings for 12 step programs and support. Use your sponsor and within these groups you can plan for sober parties for the holidays. In many recovery programs and groups people are often shaky and feeling alone during the holidays. These people, like yourself, could use the support of friendship and “alikeness” of understanding. Sobriety is a priority for appropriate functioning of your life. That especially is an important issue to be aware of. You have every right and should feel completely selfish when it comes to protecting your sobriety.
All my friends, remember Christmas is ONE DAY a year. Don’t wait until this singular-holiday season to let those around you know what they mean to you, how important they are to you and that you realize their importance. Express it everyday and build your loving support systems with friends and family. Doc. Feel and QC wish each and everyone of you the very best during this holiday season. Have fun, be safe and wrap those packages!
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Email Doc. Feel: DocFeel [@] QueerClick.com
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