Ask QC: I Wanna Top!
Dear QC,
I'm 27 and going out with a great, handsome guy. We're monogamous and very much into each other. We've been dating for about six months and go to bed and wake up usually kissing, sucking, and jerking each other off. My dick stays hard throughout... until he mentions sex.
The instant he says "Fuck me," I get real nervous and go limp. Even when I put my cock anywhere near his ass, I'll go soft within seconds. It's a real shame especially since he's got a great ass and a good attitude. He hasn't pressured me or made me feel bad, but I want to top him and am getting frustrated—he wants it bad and I'm tired of always being the bottom.
All the books and websites call it "performance anxiety" but I don't know what to do. I topped my ex two or three times after a lot of failed attempts. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'll need Viagra, hypno- or sex-therapy just to fuck the guy I like. Meanwhile, all my other gay friends seem to fuck with no problem.
What should I do?
Alex
Have you ever experienced what Alex is going through? What advice would you give him, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.
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Reader Comments
Your 2¢, in chronological order — add your comment below.
some people just are not into anal be it as a top or a bottom. that might be you.
Try not to stress about it and get very, very aroused before doing it. Even not cumming days before it can help. Get in the mood and think about being hard instead of performing for him or what he'll think.
Hope this helps,
Been there.....
Don't worry it will eventually kick in... If the sex in the relationship has been typically you on the bottom and him on top and you both are enjoying it immensely, when the its-sex-time hits you anticipate have him deep inside .
If he's a patient lover then spend a night just focusing on HIS butt and Your Dick only. Don't be concerned if you're not ready to fuck right away... When your body, dick and brain realize that the only way you are going to get off is by fucking the Hell out of the cute ass..... It'll kick in.
This is SexTraining Night - getting to know the pleasures of each other's bodies in new ways. It might take some time BUTT it's worth it.
OMG! I'm in the same situation! I stay rock hard during oral and when we're jacking each other off but as soon as the condom goes on, I just go limp! I've never had sex with a woman so I would definitely say it's some performance anxiety. I'm not in a relationship or even out so that too could have something to do with it.
WOW! Other guys with MY problem! Thanks to all for sharing. KnuttyBud, I like your idea of sex training night and I'm gonna employ it when the time comes. Thanks for the great idea. I look forward to reading others as well.
Honey, if you're into topping now and then, try a cock ring. I get turned on by shoving toys into boys, and eventually I think, "I want my cock in there." Sometimes I don't think that at all. Once a guy asked, "Don't I turn you on?" I didn't know what to say and was a little embarrassed, but if someone asks that again, I'll say, "Doesn't look like it."
Don't stress out. Just get in bed and do what is fun. Freaking out about not having an erection when one should be penetrating is a worry best left to porn stars.
For me it works only when I use my cock ring..It works. Maybe you should try this one. It is fun to find out and see anything it goes best for you.
Alex just ask your man not to say nothing not fuckin word , oh try a rubber cock ring, then turn your top on that ass, you know
how to. lol
Try a cockring bud, have your guy give you major head and then put it on. Has worked for me for years. and just relax and let it happen! also play with his ass for a while, nothing is hotter then a pink hairy manhole!
I agree with the idea of a night that is about "getting into it", lol.
The problem is that the headline of the article is a lie --- if you wanted to, you would do it! Something is keeping you from really wanting to do it, or is stronger than your want.
Figure it out, and you will fuck him.
It could be about performance, or it might even be "If I don't do this, he will go elsewhere, so I can blame the failure of the relationship on the fucking, and not on my looks, personality, etc."
You could be shortchanging both of you as a childish defense.