QueerClick

he is in love with you!!!!! he wants you.. You need to sit him down and tell him that its ok.

I think you should let nature run its course. Some people come out, some never and some just like to jest around gayly.

It's really a personal choice especially when you run the risk of experiencing bigotry/discrimination. Not everyone is psychologically prepared or comfortable to face the harshness.

Biologically, we are all bisexual to some degree just that most swing more to one side or the other.

Your sexuality should not be a concern to your friends, neither should his to you. Just be happy for/supportive of him as long as he is happy with his choices :)

There really isn't much you can do, but you can always ask him in a frank and serious manner. And then you have to accept whatever answer he gives you, even if you think he's just deeply closeted. If he's not ready to come out the best thing you can do is just be there as his friend and he'll tell you when he's ready.

"sent me text messages saying that he's gay too and he loves me and would break up with his girlfriend for me if I would break up with my boyfriend for him and if I thought he was hot and so forth."

He may have said this was a joke, but i think his message is very telling and gives you all the answers. i came to this conclusion before i even read this far into your letter. He is gay or at least bi and he is in love with you. If he goes thru with his marriage, it is destined to fail. Believe me when I tell you this, because I have been there. Marriage will not keep you from the desire to be with a man. I was married for nearly 8 years, and as time went on, I could not suppress my feelings to be with a man.
You need to have a serious one on one with him and talk about his feelings towards you. Best of luck my friend.

Even if he is gay, he's not admitting it. If you let his ambiguity prevent you from being happy with your boyfriend, both of you are going to be unhappy. The fact is, sometimes people are just jealous, especially friends. Some straigt guys like the attention they get from close gay friends, and when the guy gets a boyfriend, the straight friend finds it hard.

The best thing you can do is try to be happy with your boyfriend. If your friend is gay, he's bound to tell you eventually, and you can cross that bridge when you come to it. If your friend isn't gay, but is jealous, you're just going to have to work that out, beause that's what friends do. Sometimes guys get confused feelings, especially for friends, but acting on it can ruin the friendship.

If your friend does come out to you, don't act on it. Coming out, as we all know, can be the most confusing time in your life, and being with someone who's coming out can really be hard on your relationship. Your friend needs to know what he wants, and really he needs to work it out on his own. Trying to confront him is not a good idea. As long as you're there for him, and as long as you keep living your life, if he needs you, he'll come to you.

This is a personal choice for "M", if and when "M" comes it. If you push him on it, he may go further into the closet. He may have feelings for you but both of you are involved with other people? Like Joel said, just be there for him and let him know that he can talk to you about anything.

That whole naked thing sounded like a come on to me, but it was good that you resisted.

the big question is are you in love with him?

If you are really good friends, then you should just be upfront with him. Good friends can talk about anything and everything. Plus, it's not like it would totally be coming out of left field if you brought it up, because of the hints, playfulness, etc.

It's also possible that he's one of those straight guys that fools around with guys/would like to fool around with a guy. I have quite a few straight friends that I've experienced that particular situation with. And I didn't pressure any of them to come out of the closet, or tell him that he IS gay, etc. One is quite the womanizer (dating and relationships) yet he plays around with me every once in a while. And we both just accept that's the way things are.

Maybe you should ask yourself: How much do I want him to BE gay because I like him?

You should definitely approach him with your observations. You expressed yourself with a lot of care and concern in your questions and if you put it the same way, he will understand that you are being a good friend. Take it from someone who got married to his first girlfriend, had three kids and was married for a long time, I wish that I had a friend that I could have talked to about my sexuality. It was lot tougher walking out on my family 25 years later.

Plenty of straight guys can hear all the details about gay sex and not be grossed out -- and in fact ask more questions and are comfortable with it. They're comfortable with themselves, which is key.

Whether or not he is gay or straight, I would recommend not pushing that issue. He has to do his own thing.

To me, this sounds more like you want him to be gay than whether or not he is gay. Perhaps he didn't like your boyfriend, not thinking he was suited to you. Perhaps he thought you could do better.

You've had a lot of boyfriends, he's had ONE solid girlfriend. Maybe what he wants for you is for you to get into a long-term relationship -- it has nothing to do with his sexuality and he really just wants you to be happy.

If you really can't restrain yourself, then talk to him, but be gentle and let him explain himself. Don't put any pressure on him or accuse him of anything.

My advice would be not to say anything like that, however. Simply be supportive of him and his lifestyle, just as he's been supportive of you and yours.

Simple. sit him down and talk to him man to man, friend to friend and let him know what youre feeling and thinking. If he is gay he really has no business dragging some girl into all the drama because there has been enough of that and its 2009 plus its really unfair to her. If he says he straight then thats all you can do.

Tell him you´re the best in blowjobs and persuade him softly to give a try...if agreed you know what to do but don´t take it to a next level until he ask you for it...and probably all feelings will come after a time soon or later...

He may or may not be gay. Be ready to support his decision if he does come out, but there is no reason to play Sherlock Holmes. After coming out, being told "Duh, we all figured it out years before you did" really doesn't help.

Have you thought about just kissing him?

He says in "in love" with you but can't come out of the closet long enough to admit he means it (let alone tell his fiance that maybe they should put things off). You say nothing more about your feelings toward him than that he's your friend.

Do you feel "responsible" for his happiness? Are you responsible for the happiness of everyone you know?

Other than telling him, "If you ARE gay it's fine, and I appreciate your feelings toward me but I already have an active social (if not sexual) life," what do you WANT to do for him? Help him out of the closet (though he's not ready to climb out on his own)? FORCE him out of the closet (to "save" him from something-or-other)?

I think you gotta let him figure things out in his own time (while letting him know it's OK whatever he does).

As for his crush on you, if he IS gay, is that so unusual or uncommon, having a crush on someone before you're completely out of the closet? You shouldn't base your decision on his proclaimed "love" for you, joke or not.

IF YOU COULD LOVE HIM.....

Tell him IN PERSON that if he ever gets ready, he can, at that time, check whether you are available. Tell him you could feel that way about him, but you wont hurt yourself by going there unless or until he is ready to go for it full tilt, no closet crap.

IF HE IS JUST YOUR FRIEND

Tell him IN PERSON that you want to discuss it, if and when he is ready. Drop it unless he says yes or comes to you later.

IF YOU JUST HAVE TO MIX IN

Tell the fiance's brother that your friend is a 3 dollar bill, and leave town.

Leave the guy alone. You say you are his friend so act like one. Be there for him but don't push him into any situations he's not comfortable dealing with. He may be gay, he may be bi he may also be very much in love with his fiance. Whatever his situation is, it's up to him to choose how he lives his life and what makes him happy.

I was in a very long term relationship with a woman I was very much in love with until my gay best friend outed me. Even though I was faithful to her, my girlfriend left me because she didn't want a bi husband, which I can understand and respect as her choice, however it was still a painful experience. So in trying to "help" me with my sexuality, which I was completely comfortable with anyway, my friend ended up causing me a lot of pain and ruined my life as well as my then fiance's. Maybe he did me a favor, as I now doubt it would have worked out in the long run. However I will never forgive him for his betrayal and we are very far from being friends these days.

Bottom line ... the road to hell is paved with good intentions. You may think you are helping but who says he wants your help? Let him figure it out on his own.

When you sit down to talk with him, don't make it a conversation about HIS sexuality- make it a conversation about you- it will make him feel more at ease.

Let him know that you are confused and need clarification. Tell him you are honestly wondering if he is joking when he says things like "i'm gay too..." or if he is honest. You need to know for your own good- and so you know how to appropriately react. If he says he is straight, just take it at that. Don't try to pull him out of the closet if he doesn't want to come out. If he says he is unsure, tell him you are there as his friend and can provide any support he needs. I personally at this point would joke with him and say that if he is unsure, I'm always there if he needs to talk or try anything out.. you know... just to see ;)

He is lucky to have a friend like you but regardless of his sexuality if you are not interested in him romantically or sexually, be honest with him- just don't share those feelings with him until after he clarifies what he feels and means by his actions and words. Shooting him down before he has a chance to open up will make it harder for him to be honest with you and with himself.

give him time to unravel don't push him or make him do things that if he regrets he'll blame you for it...you shouldn't trouble your mind much just keep yourself behaving neutral like the friend you've been and if he makes a move or show a sign or anything..well go for it,lol...