Ask QC: Do My Friends Secretly Like Me?
Hey guys,
Okay, I have this major problem that's been going on for years when I first moved into my new house. When I first moved into my house, two guys knocked on my door, greeted me and welcomed me to the neighborhood. One was two years older than me, had blonde hair and was really into sports. His name was Mitchell. The other guy had black short hair and looked like a football player. He was a year younger than me; his name was Matty.
I started talking to them and more and more I eventually started sleeping over Mitchell's house which only has two beds (they don't know I'm bi because I didn't want to shock them or make them feel akward around me). I've acted like I didn't want to sleep in the same bed as Matty but have secretly been wanting to. I was closer to Mitchell and invited him over to spend the night. By morning, he would somehow always be basically spooning me and this made me question his sexuality—it was very hard to not go down on him.
The next time i slept over Mitchell's, i fell alseep early and woke up in the middle of the night. Matty had one hand hugging me and one leg over mine gripping me close to him and his penis close to my bum. It made me wonder are both guys bi or gay or doing they fool around with each when no one is around. Two years have passed and i have wonder what could I do to make them tell me if they are. Please someone tell me what I can do cause it's making me wonder whether we all might make good boyfriends.
Looks like our reader's got a hot situation on his hands. Should he mention the pink elephant in the room, make a move, or try something else to get a clearer read on their intentions? Feel free share any advice or experiences that might helpful in the comments section.
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Reader Comments
Your 2¢, in chronological order — add your comment below.
I say just be straight up. No awkwardness. Talk to them like real friends. If I were to ask my friends if they were gay or not, there wouldn't be any awkwardness. I mean, I would think you would have a close relationship with them given that you've known them for two years. Just ask them in a friendly way. And don't make it a big deal. Ask them like it's nothing and make it seem like you're seriously curious.
More to the point, is the earth round?
Two years have passed and i have wonder what could I do to make them tell me if they are.
ARE YOU INSANE??? OR JUST EXTREMELY PASSIVE, AND SO ARE THEY???????????
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
SOMEBODY HAS TO _D_O_ SOMETHING HERE
Rather than ask them if they are gay or bi, tell them that you're bi. In that way you are offering some personal information about yourself rather than asking them for personal information about themselves. If they are gay or bi they will feel alot more comfortable about telling you. When you're seeking personal information about someone you should always try and encourage them to offer the information rather that outright asking for it.
Two things:
First you should ask yourself how much you value the friendship?
Are they really good friends, do you think the relationship established is strong to weather a revelation such as a sexual attraction.
Second, Is it worth the risk of losing the friendship over sex?
Okay, so you make it known and they agree to a friends with benefits situation. But, it sounds like your close with them already, and having sex opens the door to intense feelings. You might reach a point were you want a stable relationship with one. It will leave the other out in the cold--it will create a love triangle scenario, an easy way to heartbreak and any of the three of you in this situation.
Regardless of the sexual preference of those individuals--having sex with them WILL complicate the relationship you have with both men.
If you said yes or no to either question, then you've already gotten your answer to your problem.
Why can't I have problems like this? :D
Seriously though, if it happens again, just go for it. If they're spooning you & throwing their hands and legs over you in sleep - it's not because they want to keep warm.
duhh..are these your first bunch of straight friends?
Men are sexually charged creatures, just because they have an erection while spooning you don't make them gay. :lol. It's not that crazy to sleep in the same bed with other men, especially if you're both secure enough with your masculinity. Back in college I slept with straight college boys enough to know that a bear hug while sleeping doesnt mean they want me to reciprocate.
Sounds stupid, but gay men were nurtured by other gay men to think that all hot men are gay, or bi or whatever. Most straight men I know cannot be categorized as 100% homophobic or dont give a shit or curious or totally ok with it or a willing participant but don't reciprocate type of straight men. Try to gauge their reaction from the gay stuffs they're exposed to, say a scene on tv, Brokeback mountain, or someone gay they know.
But that doesnt mean they're ok with you munching on their balls. Even if they enjoy your munching, secretly they're hating you for making them admitting that it's enjoyable.
You dont have to tell them you're bi or anything because that makes you a stranger. Off course they've heard that Elton John is into cock, but to know that someone they speak on a regular basis is into cock when he has a cock himself, is an idea their straight mindset will find baffling. But its not that difficult to spot a willing straight men, if that's what you're into. Depending on their level of horniness, basically you can spot a gap where you can be fulfilling in their life.
Just be yourself, try spooning them with an erection. If they turn around and grab your dick, grab theirs, and never expect anything. If they pitch a tent, it means one thing, he is horny, and you have to make up your mind if you're willing to be remembered as they guy who blow my dick one night when I had none for months. And if you do, remember to give them the experience of their lifetime, since it's our duty as a gay man to perpetuate the myth that gays are better cocksuckers.
I'm not gonna say you're setting up for a lifetime of straightmen related unhappiness, but straight-identified men, men who prefer pussy (in their mind, at least), need women in any form in their life, and you as a gay men is nothing but a mouth, an asshole during the dry time. See gay for pay pornstars, and you'd notice the pattern.
I'm proud to say that I'm 100% into straight men chasing, but I learn my timeline, and I wouldn't touch a straight men who's heart not into it because eventually when the time comes, you'd be his bitch, literally.
what is the AGE of the person writing with this question. unless this is a kid in his teens this is pretty damn weird. kids have sleep overs when they live next door to each other.
evidently these two guys live together and have 2 beds and have a 3rd guy stay over who sleeps in the same bed with one or the other. are the beds in the same room? (not that they can't be lovers if they have 2 bedrooms, my partner and i of 14 years have seperate bedrooms and always have because i have a sleeping disorder.)
i can't believe that after 2 years and this type of familiar behavior, that some clue as to their sexuality has not been dropped. even the butchest non gay gays let something slip when they are around people a lot as to what they like.
they sound to me like a couple of gay guys pretending to be straight for the sake of appearence. or they are the most naive people on the whole frigging planet.
next time why don't you just say to shove the beds together.
the writer didn't mention if drugs or booze were involved. but, drugs and booze probably would have caused someone at some time to try some thing.
ask them if they knew that they made a musical about the game of chess. i have always found that for some reason even the most closeted self identifying straight gay guy has had a thing for the musical theatre. they all love oklahoma.
all in all i think that there is probablygood to get the gay thing out in the open. and it shouldn't be in a sexual manner. and drop the bi thing. unless you have been dating and fucking women during the time you have known these guys it ain't gonna fly and just adds uneccesary baggage. to straight men a cock sucker is a cock sucker.
the ages of these individuals would be of great help in figuring these guys out.
1. just stay awake next time and see what happens. sounds kinda innocent, but ya never know.
2. newsflash: some str8s love to cuddle & spoon, especially if drinking or buzzed. haven't YOU ever spooned a "girlfriend" & woke up hard & humping???
3. i had a str8 friend who loved to BE spooned, including handy work. he'd pretend to be asleep. when things got hot, he'd "wake up" and go into my bathroom and beat off WILDLY. of course, i'd also wack mine while he was in the bathroom. ssooo HOT, but he was a good friend and i wasn't willing to risk making him uncomfortable.
No 100% straight man I've even known would volunteer to sleep next to another man, let alone "spoon" them, unless alcohol or drugs were involved. If you guys are drunk or high then don't bother reading anything into their behavior, no one's in their right mind. You're basically "passing out" next to each other and any touchy-feely stuff going on is unlikely to have anything to do with personal attraction -- They just as likely to be thinking they're next to someone else entirely.
If ya'll are sleeping in the same bed and you're NOT drunk or high, then your instincts are probably correct and, frankly, I'd act on them at the next available opportunity. That's just me though, for all you know you'll be breaking up their relationship, or you could find yourself in the middle of a lengthy and nasty argument.
If you don't want to "risk" anything, then stop passing out next to each other, sleep on the floor.
Actions here, not words. Surest way to freak them out is to sit down and have a "serious conversation." Next time the opportunity arises, just take some initiative in the moment. Chances are, they may not "identify" as gay or bi or whatever, but when a guy's horny and there's a warm hot body beside him, the guy's going to take what's offered.
I doubt you are risking anything. No guy lets a neighbor sleep in his bed when he could just as easily walk back across the street.
Seriously guy, two years? I have a hard time believing this whole thing. But hey, if I'm wrong, then go get busy.
Don't over think this.
The next time you are sleeping next to one and his leg is wrapped around yours and his erect dick is pointing at your butt.
Poke your ass right at it as though innocently adjusting yourself during sleep. If the sucker keeps poking and jumps a bit... and them takes aim...
Then It's On !
Do Us Proud !
By no means make him(them) proclaim anything. That is always a problem when someone feels they have to make a true confession.
----
Oddly enough I had a similar situation in my past. While visiting an out of town friend with one bed I woke up to the exact same situation. I backed that thang up , he got closer and we fucked like bunnies on caffeine. We ended up doing it often over a good period of time. Eventually we ended up being the best of friends, he got married and divorced and we still are the best of friends.
What, do you need a house to fall on you as a sign from above? I'd like to offer some help, but seriously all the signs are there. This is nuts! You just missed several years of hot sex!! "GO FOR IT"! There I said it.
Growing up I have always had 'experiences' with my 'straight' male friends; from dry humping to blowjobs to sex. I have a way of making my guy friends feel comfortable enough for them to explore the other side with me. I've always thought that a good percent of men are bisexual by nature and would have sex with another guy if the time was convenient to them. Just think of homosexuality in ancient Greece and during the Roman days, I don’t think it was just a phase for men. If only society today wasn’t as harsh on homosexual relationships perhaps ‘straight’ men would be more open-minded to experience their bisexual side more openly.
The locker room is one of the first places straight men begin to grow curiosity and also one of the first places they begin to explore their curiosities; peeking at the other guys showering, comparing sizes, slapping each other around, etc. Of course that isn’t to say all men are bisexual because I know I am gay and am not attracted to women sexuality whatsoever. Obviously there must exist men who are straight and not interested in other men whatsoever either. But believe me when I say my high school’s locker room was pretty gay at times. It would make me wonder about some guys.
It really isn’t that strange for guys to sleep together. Especially if they are just suppose to be ‘sleeping’. Then it makes it okay.
You have to ask yourself two things; how well do you know them (have they dated gurls recently, had girlfriends, etc) and what type of relationship are you willing to pursue with them if indeed you have sex with either of them. If this continues, which I am sure it will then honestly just rub your ass against their dicks. If they respond, and that is what you’re looking for, then go for it. If you are not interested in doing that with them because you know it is going to change your friendship then just stop thinking about it and go with it. Things have a way of working out by themselves. Maybe they are just sexually frustrated and they feel comfortable realizing some of that stress with you while you sleep.
You don't have to tell them you're bi if you don't want to. You don't even have to talk to them about your nightly experiences or anything like that either. Believe me, 'straight' men hate talking about things that make them feel umcomfortable because they are suppose to be 'straight' and 'straight' men don't do that. Chicks and really gay guys do. Not men. My 'straight' friends and I never acknowledge our sexual tensions but rather would just do them and go back to being friends again. Emotions whether they are sexual or romantic are too weird for them, especially when they are towards another guy.
i agreee with some of these guys... two im assuming not teens or early 20's men living together and hosting male sleep overs... is pretty gay. sounds like everyones confused about everyone just say im gay! wasnt sure if you guys knew hope it wont be an issue. they will either follow suite or stop having sleep overs... prob solved
@A New Guy: "I've always thought that a good percent of men are bisexual by nature and would have sex with another guy if the time was convenient to them."
I wouldn't read "bisexual" into that as a good percentage of men would have sex with a VEGETABLE if it was convenient. ;)
Next time, just slip off your underwear and let things progress naturally. Many "straight" guys may be put off if they have to verbally confront gay sex and acknowledge what's going on.
Be sure to bring along lube and condoms or have them near the bed. Having them on the nightstand can help "break the ice."
Expanding upon SteveDenver's idea: The next time you're going to bed with one of them, suddenly "remember" there's something you want to give him...find your pants, reach into the pocket and pull out a condom. Toss it to him (straight guys like to throw and catch things that could just as easily be handed to each other) and say "If you ever get around to fucking me, use one of these". Then jump back in bed and **don't say another word**.
And if he brings-up the gay/bi/whatever issue (because you're smart enough to SAY NOTHING --- he's not fantasizing about being with a chatty queen) simply and plainly say "I just really like sex...I figured you did too."