QueerClick

after 2-1/2 months, it's past time to have this question answered. you've already invested time and energy and deserve to know if this relationship has even the slightest possibility of being more than just friends. once he lets you know why he's holding back on the intimacy, then you can decide whether you can wait longer (if more time is what he needs), or whether you're willing to have him as your next best friend while you continue to search for mister right.

I'm also on an anti-depressant, and it took me a few tries to my mojo working. Some guys experience low sex drives to impotence, depending on the medication.

I would be upfront about it, it's best to get to the truth as quickly as possible, instead driving yourself crazy.

It could be, from my experience, that he's a bit anxious and worried that things won't work well during your first time together.

Try cuddling in the nude, and see if things start working.

you should not be looking through his stuff!

the fact that he wants to hold hands with you and kiss you means that he is in to you. you are past the "friends" stage.
communication is the key to any successful relationship and so the elephant in the room, as the saying goes, needs to be talked about. when i was alot younger i was so in love with a guy that i was seeing that i was irrational. i honestly believed that he would not think that i was any good in bed and he would dump me. guess what? he dumped me anyway. the possible reasons for this guy seeming to not want to have sex with you are many.
if you love him, tell him. one thing that experience has taught me is that many men, including me, do not express their feelings well. tell him that you love spending time with him, holding his hand and kissing him but you want to be more intimate with him. don't ask him about the meds you saw, or why he seemingly doesn't want to have sex with you (that just makes it about you).

Jj is 1000 per cent correct. If you were dating me and you looked at my private stuff, we would no longer be dating.

If you want to know how he really feels - ASK him.

Those commenting on this guy looking through his boyfriend's stuff are assuming he was peeking through things. He says he noticed, not that he was going through things. The boyfriend could have left the medication out on the counter where it could have been openly seen.

Dude, if you want to know, you should just be up front and ask. Just say "hey I was wondering if there was anything wrong, because I feel we are ready to take the physical involvement up a notch and you don't seem to want to. I would like for us to talk about it because it is bothering me that you might not be interested in me like I am interested in you."

If he gets mad at that then he isn't BF material anyways.

@jmdrwac and Jj: Why did you already accuse Jason for looking into somebody's private stuff. What if Jason accidentally found the anti-depressant in the cabin? Remember, bathroom is not the best place to hide medication. Also jmdrwac, asking a person about his feeling is not as simple as you put.

communication is key; however, for SOME issues, 2 or 3 months of dating isn't enough for some of us to be completely open and honest. it could be a VERY private issue and he may need the appropriate space. both of you have to analyze your own boundaries to know if the situation is worthwhile. dating is dating and sex isn't always implied. believe it or not, some people TRULY believe in abstinence.

you don't mention age. i assume you're "younger". yes, meds could be important, but on the relationship level, it would also be important to know WHY he's on meds.

maybe he's small endowed? maybe he's poz? maybe he's hung like a mule and afraid he'll split you open?

if they pills were out in the open, that's fair game. if you looked in his cabinet, you're a loser.

In my experience as an older gay man, if you haven't had sex after 2 1/2 months. he ain't interested. That may be overstated, but how can you have those kind of feelings for a guy that you haven't "done". So often we can be superficial, but when all is said and done, it's all about the sex.

Let me be frank:

I know I respond to at lot of these post with "This has happened to Me" but I guess I've been around the block a few times.

In the cases (2) that I have had this situation to arise these sweet lovable boyfriends were Positive and did not know how or want to bring up the subject.

I call them my Platonic boyfriends when talking about them in memory. IN each case we ended up being the best of friends and sadly they both passed away.

I'm not sure what advice to give in this situation but for me at those particular times in my life their friendship, companionship and the occasional cuddling was much more important to me than the sex. They were both very meaningfull and heartfelt relationships

Stop being passive, start being aggressive.

Ask him over for a massage. When it comes to the sensitive areas, ask him if you can touch him there, then ask, "Is this okay?" You care about him, so move forward with permission and respect his boundaries.

If he doesn't want a massage, ask if he's interested in escalating your relationship.

If he isn't, move on.

Your relationship is missing more than sexual intimacy: It's missing communication. Since the subject of the difference in your intimacy requirements compared to his hasn't come up yet, I assume you haven't a clue how to bring it up. "I'm very comfortable with you now, and I want to talk about ..." That's one place to start.

I agree the meds could have changed his libido, and simply ignoring your needs may be his way of dealing with that. There are other meds he could try, if you get that far.

Don't worry so much about what "might" happen, though you state he has many good qualities -- This could certainly be an issue that can't be resolved to your satisfaction. You deserve, at the very least, some honesty regarding this issue, regardless of the outcome.

As someone who's had depression I can tell you that if you have depression your sex drive is often the first thing to suffer. Also antidepressants can lower your sex drive as well as causing erectile problems and delayed ejaculation.
Wanking for 2 hours might sound like fun but trust me it ain't always lol.
Either way I think the best option would be to disscuss the situation with him.

It just looks like maybe you guys want different things and that doesn't make either one of you bad.

I was on antidepressants for a few months, and I didn't get a single erection the entire time. Just sayin'.

i think you should talk to him about it. see where he stands on the issue. he may be one of those guys that wants a real commitment out of someone before having sex. it can't hurt at all and could at least give you some insight into his feelings on the matter...

Thanks so much for the thoughts and insight guys, I really appreciate it. FYI, I don't root through people's things as that's beyond tacky, the medication bottle was amongst his basic hygiene products on the bathroom counter and I'm familiar enough with some meds that I knew the name and that it was an antidepressant.

Re: Tommy: I like trying the cuddling nude idea, we've had some good cuddle sessions and that could be a suggestion I could use to try to increase the intimacy level.

Re: DoorHold: The reason I asked here on QC was I really haven't been in this type of situation before and didn't know how best to approach it. I do like him and wouldn't want to have the wrong approach and scare him off.

Re: Steve & Eric: I also wonder if he's just not that into me "that way". In terms of our sexual histories and tastes we seem to be fairly compatible. He states that this time around he wants to get to know someone on an emotional level before having sex. My qualm is that while I agree with that to an extent, sex can in my mind also if done for the right reason can be a great and wonderful expression of your feelings for each other and a natural way to increase intimacy in a healthy way (which also makes me wonder if he may have some embarrassment about ED he might not be ready to admit to).

Finally to everyone thanks again for the words of wisdom. I guess when I really think about it if the med is the issue I know I'm the type of person that could handle a relationship with a lesser amount of sex as long as our feelings can be expressed in some emotionally meaningful way. On the other side of that though is my needs (physical) and his needing to understand that I do indeed on occasion need to have that level of intimacy. I guess if nothing at all in terms of any form of sex (we all know there's many different kinds and levels) has occurred in another month I will have to assess if this is indeed a relationship that is right for either or both of us. Thanks again everyone, God bless...

If his seeming lack of interest is indeed due to the antidepressant, I just want to give you some insight about how he might feel he should deal with the situation.

I was on Zoloft for a time... after being on the drug for a while and experiencing positive results, I started dating someone. My sex drive was apparently not affected, as we were getting it on pretty soon into the relationship... however, I had an extremely difficult time reaching orgasm (getting an erection wasn't really a problem either). I always felt horrible because it sorta ruined the mood and I would always have to try and convince my partner that it wasn't for lack of sexual attraction to him (on the contrary, as a matter of fact). Soooo... in a terrible moment of irrational decision-making, I decided to quit the Zoloft cold-turkey. Bad idea... It totally fucked me up to the point of becoming almost delusional and suicidal. That was a long time ago, and I'm much better now, but it could have been much worse.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that if it does come up as being a problem, make sure he understands that you understand. Don't let him make any bad choices for a quick fix... it could lead to much bigger problems. I don't want to scare you about it in any way, and the last thing I would want you to do would be to give up on your guy and the situation (if he's on an antidepressant, he could probably use an understanding guy like you seem to be). Just give him some time and it'll all be worth it in the end.

Female-to-male transsexual?

I didn't have sex with my boyfriend (Of 7 years now) until 3 months into our relationship. We wanted to wait a bit to make sure we actually liked each other as people.

Though that was a mutual decision we both made. Like others have said, what you are really lacking is any form of communication. If it's important to you, make him aware of it.

Maybe sex just isn't that important to him. Not everyone on the planet is driven by it. Just because movies and tv shows claim that everyone has a super high sex drive, doesn't mean that it's true. Just talk to him and find out.

Prozac did that to me as far as delayed and or not being able to cum. Now I take Wellbutrin and it has no effect on me but I have heard that each medication effects each person differently. He may want to switch to a different med if this is the problem. Also he may be insecure about his cock size ?

Hello Jason, well it s a tricky situation, but the best thing to do is talk to him, and tell him in face everything that's not right, it's shoking, but it works...after that by his reaction, you ll know what to do.
By my personal expirience, I was affraid of first sex with any of guys I was with, cause of the whole situation, will I be good?. Dont rush, but clean things out, that's my addvice.
About the pills, we' re living too fast thease days, maybe he's too stressed, that's one of the things that could be eventually the problem...? I took some of those too, and it's kind of "I dont care about anything right now". Made him replace U with the pills...that would be good :)

Good luck and wish you all best.

Tom 28 y.o.

You know some people just have certain rules for them self, I mean I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months and we still have not slept together, it's not because I'm not attracted to him, its just that I have a year rule.

My best friend (who is a girl) hasn't slept with her boyfriend of 5 years yet, cause shes waiting for a ring. I'm not exactly waiting for marriage, but I want a real commitment before I share that part of myself with someone.

But you should ask him, my boyfriend asked me around 2 months and I was honest with him, and fortunately he didn't mind.

Maybe HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

@Phil: "Wanking for 2 hours might sound like fun but trust me it ain't always lol."

Ads for drugs (and there are several types) that list "Certain Sexual Side Effects" bug the hell outta me because you generally don't know what effects they might be talking about until AFTER you've figured it out on your own.

BTW, I gave up after forty five minutes. Two hours? You da man! LOL!

If you are 17, you should talk to him.

If you are 27, you should talk to a doctor about yourself.

Not giving your age and experience level was pretty much a block to getting real advice. I think QueerClick posted you because it's controversial, but it's STOOPID without knowing more.