Johnny Hazzard Wants To Shove His Veggie In Your Oven


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Seem like months ago that porn cutie, Johnny Hazzard choked his chicken for us on his home cooking program, Hazzardous Life. This time around, he wants to shove it in your oven and he’s gonna do it “so easy it’s ridiculous.”
It’s good for you, he says. “I don’t get enough and I’m certain most of you out there aren’t getting enough either.” Speak for yourself, Hazzard! We got a big cheesy mouthful of zucchini just last night. But then he starts talking about shoving stalks in your oven, how “it gets sweeter the hotter it gets.” He also suggests tossing salads with olive oil: “It works as a glue” (GLUE?!!) but “you’re gonna get your shakers kinda oily.” Put away the balsamic vinegar, you culinary slut, you’ve added all the sweetness and tang we need.
But how will you know when Hazzard’s done in your love oven? Dare we slip his broccoli outside our box and release all the heat? He suggests:

“Look for the skin to blister. That is your indication that it’s time to flip… the second time around shouldn’t be as long… yet again you want to look for the blistering of your skin and the browning of your broccoli.”

Apparently Hazzard’s not done until the skin on his stalk begins turning brown and peeling off! Jesus tits! Then, after heating us up with his culinary innuendo, he slips a skinny one into his mouth and moans with delight. “SHOVEL IT IN!” the screen says just as he sheepishly covers his mancakes and goes scampering up the stairs. Damn, Johnny! What about dessert?!?!
Talk about a naked chef! All all his dirty innuendo has caused us to sprout an organic cucumber in our man-patch. So if you wanna really get cooking and see how Johnny Hazzard handles his vegetable with his fellow salad tossers, check out Johnny Hazzard’s QC Fan Page.

Jun 20, 2009 By paperbagwriter 1 Comment