QueerClick

We chose Oscar Wilde as our banner boy this time around because this week's Top 10 QComments get pretty wild! But we'll just let him tell you all about it:

Where's a gay porn aficionado supposed to get their weekly dose of witty repartee and bitchery? Right here is where! Betwixt our numerous posts of horse-hung twinks and bear-men making two-backed beasts, we solicit many an eyebrow-raising QComment that's refreshing yet rude, like a bracing shot of absinthe or a firm thwack to the buttocks. This week's rouge's gallery includes QComments on pedophilia, consensual rape, and Hitler (yes, the Hitler). Oh my! Well... what are you waiting for, you wanton sodomites? Tarry forth and peruse our scandalous array!

The scandalous truth about Sean Cody's 30-year-old Rex is that he's (gasp!) married. A married man on a gay porn website? It's enough to make us clutch our pearls! Imagine the jealous insufficiency his good wife must feel, especially after his callous comment that he "needs boobs" in a woman. Poor dear! (ahem) Yeah, uh... but it's not that SteveDenver isn't buying it, but more simply he just doesn't care:

Married? So what! I've had so many hands with wedding rings holding the back of my head while I suck suck suck, that I can't even count. My cock has been inside of married honey holes many times. Gorgeous, I love that his bodybuilding exploits haven't tempted him to tan his hide. Tell your wife if she gets tired of sucking your cock, I'll help out. If she doesn't like to rim, I'll rim you while you drill her pussy! So there, who says queers aren't helpful.

With "helpful queers" like SteveDenver, Rex's wife had better watch her, er, we mean, Rex's ass (like the rest of us). We would like to console her with the small consolation that it could be worse. She could be married to Her Antarctic Highness Derek Rivero!!!! Derek had the pleasure of delivering a meaty valentine to anal seductress, Sebastian in the latest FreshmanX post. Butt some QCommenters, like Eric couldn't help but think of Derek's husband Zack Randall. He imagined this dramatic vignette:

"(Yawwwwnnn! and stretch) You know," said Derek, "after a hard day of having strange sex with other men, I like to go home and order my hubby pour me a nice tall glass of his urine." (sip) "Ahhh, urine. Hits the spot." *Now available straight from Zack's tap ** Not recommended for fembot videos

Mmmmm! You're made us positively parched for a warm decanter of urine too, Eric, though if Derek drank any, they might melt his ice-coal steamheart and suddenly compel him to tell fantastic lies on video—oh wait, IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED! Damn, why'd you release your golden streams on your snowlover, Zack? Didn't they give you an operating manual when you married Derek's make and model?

Oh well... while Zack's busy making repairs to his malfunctioned manbride, QCommenter Ian has some adjustments that he'd like to make to Gio from Latin Boyz. Gio says, "he has never bottomed for a guy and doesn't think he ever will." But Ian just thinks that Gio hasn't found the (ahem) right tool for the job:

Sometimes all it takes is that first dick up your chute! Can anybody believe that uber-powerbottom Kurt Wild's first fuck video was as a TOP?? But when he got fucked for the 1st time over at CF the pleasure switch got clicked (you could see and hear it from him!) and he can't seem to get enough of the BIG cocks up inside of him ever since! Let's hope Gio doesn't put that hot little ass to waste and can open himself up (both literally and figuratively) to new experiences!

Indeed, I have seen many a "horse bottom" in my day and while Ian has definitely called this spade a spade, "The man who calls a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for." I just love quoting myself; I am the jade empress of witticisms! Don't ask me what I mean—I smoke opium! How decadent!

Mmm-hmm... and while we're carousing in the neighborhood of gay men who are married to women (eh, Kurt???), let us skip over to Sean Cody's abode where Christopher awaits.

Unless you read closely—and every Victorian doctor knows that compulsive masturbation weakens eyesight, you, poor libertine—you may have missed this sordid secret: Christopher is Ross' cousin! Oh, it's downright incestual! Ross has apparently gotten himself married and with a child on the way. BUT! the homosexual stain has already besmirched his underthings and will forever stain his reputation! Up and cumming QCommenter, Legible Lad, agrees:

Guess what Ross, your porn pictures will float in the "cloud" forever. Prepare to be cool with what you've done, because it will show up. VP of Accounts where I work showed up in some JO porn, and his nonchalant, "I was in college, wanted extra money, and had a good body" response was enough to quell any furor. His pictures make it difficult not to stare at his crotch and ass every time he passes my cubicle.

Do you hear that, Ross? Not only did you influence your innocent, hot-assed cousin Christopher into the Garden of Sluts, but now you and poor Rex will forever have your crotches ogled by closeted employees, like Legible Lad. For shame! Why, it positively makes us want to toot!

You may recall, good reader, our ongoing QConversation regarding the maintenance of hair in the male private regions. Passions flare hemorrhoid hot about this rude tea party topic. No sooner did the new boy Straight Australian Guys Jacking Off—an incorrigible named Braith—show up slathered in lard with nary a whisker below his smile than the QCommenters began bellowing like drunk cats in a bathhouse. But to those who would "bitch" about ape fur, Roma has had quite enough of your faggotry. To all those naysayers and dingy minges, Roma delivers a pithy, STFU and offers a peaceable alternative:

I agree with Davidz. To all the people complaining about shaving - stfu and move on. He's right, 95% of this site is dedicated to men with hair. I'm sick of fiiinally coming across a hot, shaved guy and having the moment ruined by these "Oh em gee, shaving is liek so immature, if u liek shaved guys, ur a pedophile!" comments. Maybe we need a QC Smooth? A section dedicated to smooth, muscular men, where we are free from the annoying anti-shaving comments and where everything is mantastic.

Indeed, Roma! Imagine a place where child-lovers and hair-haters can mingle and dingle their dangles. We have passed on your excellent idea on to our editors and will disavow any knowledge of said idea should your lawyers come knocking!

But while we are on the subject of ideas, let us jaunt down to the weekly porn forum known as PataPORN With Chinpoko. Never before has a mancock delivered such stirring assessments of buggery! Granted, penises don't always have the most big-headed ideas, but they do think hard before their outbursts; Chinpoko certainly does. He suggested that Jake Cruise spice up their video work by emulating the venerable rapscallion, Sean Cody. However, Alan will have none of that dick's mess:

Please Jake, do not listen to the 'prick'. I left Sean Cody because their constantly changing camera angles and model positions left me with motion sickness!! There's a lot to be said for the camera just sitting back and letting the 2 (or more) guys go at it! Sean Cody USED to know that, but not anymore!!

He daresays that Sean Cody has become a bit like The Blair Witch Project. If you recall the shaky freehand camera style of that movie, it left many a queasy moviegoer brimming their popcorn buckets with vomitus! 'Tis better for the cameraman to record a slow, hand-pumping daisychain than vault around the room like a paid harpy. But Sean Cody can hardly be said to employ "harpy" cameramen. Their camerawork continues to leave me rigid with excitement and spent like a 5 Pound note!

It is oft said that politics and sex make strange bedfellows. 'Tis true, but unavoidable with so many pricks and assholes in elected office. QC has tussled with QCommenters before over inserting political content into men's butts instead of cocks. MM found a distasteful bit about ex-Vice Presidential candidate, Lady Sarah Palin, in a post about her football headed ex-son-in-law-to-be Levi Johnston. While Lord Johnston considers sharing his johnson with Playgirl's working readers, MM saw no need to call Sarah "a train wreck" even though 'tis true:

I could really do without the Palin bashing in the text of this post. I expect it in the comments from people who have sworn allegiance to Democrats who always, ALWAYS dissapoint gays when it comes to living up to their promises to bring equality but I don't need to read it in the main body of text. Palin isn't the trainwreck here. It's this snot Levi. Sure he's hot, but you want to talk about DUMB? Let's just oogle his half naked body and leave the politics at home.

Hear, hear, good sir! How raunchy of QC to aim for such an easy-to-hit target as she when they should have focused purely on her moronic son-in-law's mooseknuckle. But as my pointed epigram goes, "I can resist anything, except temptation." Oh ho, what wicked fun!

Sex and politics find a darker intersection at Straight Hell. They've abducted a young schoolboy named Corey and have proceeded to fondle and clamp his succulent genitals with all manner of clips. The gentleman of QC take rape very seriously and agree that all rape should at least be consensual. But don't take it from those disreputable guttersnipes. Place your trust in a QCommenter TheCarny, who issues reassurances to all those offended by Straight Hell's tawdry takings:

Anyone who thinks the boys aren't consenting (and getting well-paid) are in a fantasyland of their own. Porn can't be published without tons of record keeping, so not only was this boy NOT abducted, but before any cameras started rolling, he showed passport and ID cards, signed contracts, took an AIM test, read a script, rehearsed blocking for the camera (remember, a cameraman was standing close-by during the whole "Are you lost, mate" bit)... so relax people. It's just good kinky fun!

Huzzah! We have found a champion able to marry good sense with good sex. We would encourage the men of QC to take TheCarny on as a part-time staffer to met out such judicious views on otherwise depraved ass-grabbery. But I'm afraid that position has already been filled with the likes of yours truly, Me!

Young Bosie is calling from the boudoir so I must off to pleasure his ample loins in the inter-chambers of my mouth. However, I shall not leave you starved for more highbrow culture. Here are two more soup bones for you to suck upon until next week's Top 10. This week, all the provincial tabloids carried the controversial story of the young Thai Olympic boxer who unwittingly put on purple mesh bikini briefs to pose for a gay men's magazine.

Though such pictures would undoubtedly get a lad sent to Reading Gaol in my time, this is the 21st century and his punishment seemed so very 19th century! Observant QCommenter nitecrwlr could not see why the authorities would feel so threatened by the boxer's photos, seeing as fisticuffs is already the gayest pasttime this side of acting in The Importance of Being Earnest:

Boxing is totally a gay sport...i mean think about it. Two half-naked, hot & sweaty jocks fighting for a belt & a purse. WHAT CAN BE GAYER THEN THAT!

And now for the kiss off—the ultimate perversion of politics and sex! Perchance you caught a glimpse of Chaos Men's latest tart, a young buck named Rush. Rush has a distinctive look indeed, but HW saw a darker resemblance to, shall we say... an infamous party monster?

Boy Hitler is so cute!

By taking a second look and affixing a small mustache made from Rush's pubic hair, we agreed—the resemblance is positively stomach turning! But before any readers (and advertisers) shit blood about us eroticizing evil, please remember 1) Straight Hell eroticizes evil more regularly and much better than we ever could, 2) One should hate the sinner, not the sin reporter, 3) Herr Hitler also appeared in an HIV prevention ad this week, so maybe there's a Hitler zeitgeist, and 4) In our depiction, not only was Hitler an insatiable bottom, but also wore a merkin for a mustache.

Well, we have scraped the barrel's bottom, erect readers, with nary a QComment left for your pleasure! However you should know that I experienced great vexation picking the best 10 from this week's banquet offering. If your QComment didn't meet my rigorous criteria, don't despair. Simply join in the QConversation and check back next week! I shall return to my young ward, Lord Alfred Diggler, but I thank you all for this dubious honor and wish you a week filled with frottage and fromage—adieu!