There Really Is A Direct Route From Reality TV Onto StraightCollegeMen.com!

A Direct Route From Reality TV Onto StraightCollegeMen.com!
Oh Straight College Men…will your wonders this month never cease? First, you regale us with a father-son jerk-off scene. Then, you get the cutest contestant from VH1’s Tool Academy 2 to spank it for you. And now you’ve snagged your upcoming masturbator from Tool Academy 2 as well, in open defiance of a cease and desist letter from the show’s producers.
A QCommenter alerted us that Straight College Men’s next hunk would be none other than John Lamb (aka. “Giant Tool”) from Tool Academy 2. According to his MySpace page, he’s a 6’5″ white catholic capricorn. And according to his MySpace pictures, whatever he learned in Tool Academy, he’s promptly forgotten. Let’s take a quick look at why he got sent there in the first place:

John L., 29, may look like a big teddy bear, but when this exotic dancer rips his clothes off it’s no surprise to learn he has serious anger management issues. His 24-year-old girlfriend, Sarah, a secretary, wishes he would just calm down. This muscular giant also needs to learn to treat women better. His overbearing, alpha male persona has put his relationship in serious danger. John L. may be a serial disrespecter of women, but with the help of the Tool Academy, hopefully he will start acting like a big man instead of giant tool.

John got eliminated in episode 5 for “his lack of maturity and his loss of temper, resulting in the damage of school property. He had promised to calm down and not lose his temper as much, but proved he was not able to do so.” Oh John…you can act like a giant tool with anger management issues around us, especially if you have a giant tool—and an uncircumcised one at that—hot damn!
And while we’re looking forward to seeing the large oaf stroke it at SCM, we were also intrigued by the cease and desist letter that the producers of Tool Academy sent them:

“This office represents 495 Productions, Inc. (“495″), the producer of the television programs currently entitled “Tool Academy” (initially aired on the VH1 Network) and “A Shot At Love” (initially aired on the MTV Network) (collectively, the “Programs”)…

It has come to our attention that some of the performers in the Programs are participating on and in connection with the websites (www.realitvrevealed.com and
www.straightcollegemen.com)… in particular, Stewart Ellefson, Daniel Jovicevic, John Lamb, Tyler Synon, and Josh Dunn…

…we further request that you also cease and desist from allowing them to further participate in the Websites and that their images, names, statements, and other materials are immediately removed from the Websites.”

A Direct Route From Reality TV Onto StraightCollegeMen.com!
That means that Tyler “Tatt Tool” Synon and the delectable Josh Dunn are the next reality show fodder for SCM’s sperm mill. Synon’s a d-bag who got arrested for taking a swing at a hotel employee, but Dunn is electric sex. His only downside is having competed in MTV’s bisexual reality dating show, Double Shot of Love, for the attention of the Ikki twins, Rikki and Vikki—icky is right…blecch!
Anyway, Straight College Men has obviously not complied with 495 Productions’ little cease-and-desist letter because Big John’s about to jerk his large uncut tool on their site. But in the meanwhile, 495 Productions, Inc. should probably be thanking SCM instead of sending them legal threats. Had SCM not featured men from Tool Academy and Double Shot of Love, we never would have heard of those shows at all.

Jan 10, 2010 By paperbagwriter 5 Comments