Ask QC: Has being told I’m unattractive made me impotent?

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Dear QC,

I used to be a confident and outgoing guy, but after both my parents passed away (within a two year period) I seem to withdraw and have let myself go. I’m 32, partnered for 5 years and am now overweight and don’t like to socialize much.

Recently our sex life became quite irregular and when I asked my partner why he said it’s because he is no longer physically attracted to me anymore. That was quite a shock and I guess a wake up call to me, but I can see what he means. I have become a bit of a slob, not working out and have been overeating and boozing too. I haven’t been looking after my appearance as I just haven’t felt the need to – but I can see it’s now causing this situation.

And the thing is, now I have what he said in my mind all the time and on the few occassions we got together in bed for sex I couldn’t get his words out of my mind and then I couldnt get an erection with him either. Knowing that he’s not turned on by me physcially anymore seems to have made the spark fizzle out completely for me now too. And now we’ve gone from having sex 4-5 times a week to only once or twice a month and each of those times was a complete disaster.

I don’t know if it’s possible but his words seem to have made me impotent – or is it just me, either physically or mentally? I don’t really know and wondered what would be good advice to do next?

We still love each other and get along fine but its just the sex side of things thats not working – by the way, I can get hard when I jack off but its definitely not as hard as it used to be, so am I becoming impotent?

Thanks guys!

Darren xoxo

Hi Darren and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We’ve recently had a few letters regarding erection issues so please check out our archives here too. There can be many reasons why you have these issues but we are sure that they can be resolved and would recommend to consult with a qualified medical professional as well as any other advice our readers can provide. So dear QC readers what advice would you give Darren? Have any of you experienced this before? And if so how did you resolve this situation? If you can help him then please share your tips, advice and wisdom with all in the QComments section!
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Jan 26, 2015 By Tim 7 Comments