We're all about toys recently on QC. No, we don't mean the ass toys from Fort Troff or Stockroom. We mean childhood toys, like Legos. As a kid, we loved our older brother's He-Man action figures. Maybe it was the hard plastic, their sculpted muscles, long swords, or furry briefs. Either way, we loved making them wrestle against each other on the carpet, in our beds, against our wills... against our hearts!!!
What we didn't know was that He-Man was closer to our hearts than we could have ever imagined. What do we mean? Click after the jump to find out...
Even though it's chicks... urm... we mean, bricks, this Girls Gone Wild spoof is dead on and manages to sex up our childhood building blocks. Of course, we preferred bath time with our sister's Ken doll, though we never did tell her where his head went after the (ahem) incident.
For more QueerClick Arts hijinks, check out the QCA Archives!
You know how happy we usually get when pornstars wed. That's because gay porn marriages are like a kick in the balls to bigoted conservatives. But when straight pornstars marry, oooh! Girl, we get out our claws! While putting together a post on the latest Str8cam update, we discovered our beloved Jeff wearing a wedding ring. We're so happy for you, Jeff. Who is the lucky bitch? Does she know that YOU BELONG TO US?!? Oh no?
Well does she know about your infamous "Wife Beater" show? She might be interested in how "extra hard" you're gonna beat her. Or how about your "Baby Oil" show? We're not saying you're gonna make a bad father by whoring out your baby on Str8cam, but you might make a better mom. For one, you have awesome tits and a great manpussy. For two, any guy who constantly puts "str8" in front of his name, probably isn't. It's like all those "str8" guys on Craigslist we're always blowing in elementary school bathrooms.
Oh Jeff, DON'T LEAVE US!!! Of course, maybe this is just another one of your theme shows, like when you dressed up as Santa, and your "wife" doesn't even really exist. Or maybe you live in Iowa and are married to a dude, in which case, bring that bitch on Str8cam for some wife beating, baby oil fun.
Sigh... oh well. We can always relive your bachelor days at your QC Fan Club page. In the meanwhile, we're gonna toast you and your beloved with a bottle of whiskey and jerk off with our tears.
You may remember the outrageous video of Bruno butthugging Eminem. Well, now Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno is the coverboy for GQ's first ever nude cover and inside he gives some hilarious fashion advice:
Dear Brüno,
Is it okay to "manscape" down there?
It's more zan okay; it is most essential. Be careful if you do it yourself, though--yesterday ich tried to self-wax mein arschenhaller und glued meinself to ze bed. Manscaping ist important, but not as crucial as getting regular anal bleaching. If Brüno didn't get his schmutziger arschenhaller bleached twice a month, his shtinker vould resemble Dizzy Gillespie during a trumpet solo. In Austria anal bleaching ist considered so important zat it's paid for by ze state. In fact, you cannot run for office if you don't have a vhite arschwitz. Indeed, ex-chancellor Kurt Waldheim vas elected on ze back of a prishtine anus. Zere are added benefits to getting ze bleaching--on my last session, mein beautician, Klaus, found ze long-lost head of a David Beckham action figure up zere.
Dear Brüno,
How would you define "Obama style"?
Firstly, ich vant to say zat I find Obama an inspiration--it gives me great hope zat, after years of struggle, someone can at last get to ze White House, despite being incredibly hot. On ze other hand, it's slightly disappointing that he needed zat beard, Michelle, to help him--but vone shtep at a time. In terms of his style, he perfectly bridges Serious und Sexy...Oval Office und Oval Orifice.
Dear Brüno,
The United States military is constantly trying to update its battle gear in the field. Are there ways you would modify the current uniform?
In mein country it's verboten for ze soldiers to shtup each other--as ein result, to keep ze cravings at bay, over 80 percent of ze Austrian army vear Dickorette patches as part of zeir uniform. Army uniforms have to change; camo zese days ist ein total nicht nicht. I mean come on, it hasn't been on ze runvays for over fourteen seasons now! For spring-summer 2010, ich vould put ze U.S. Army in bright pastels und slogan T-shirts, stuff like "Soldier Boy" or "Shoot Me from Behind."
Whether you're a fan of Cohen's scathing "reality" comedies or not, his plucked and shaved Bruno doesn't look so different from the other plucked and shaved boys we feature regularly on this site. Personally, we preferred Borat's unshaved hairiness, but his hygiene (pooping in shopping bags) and choice of women (obese prostitutes and Pamela Anderson), not so much.
Just because Eminem's a semi-homophobic near has-been doesn't mean we wouldn't fuck him. In fact, he's got men literally falling in his lap, as you can see from this video of last night's MTV Movie Awards. Eminem's been touched by an angel! Though it doesn't seem quiet the religious experience for him, but maybe he's atheist. Of course, Bruno is comedian Sacha Baron Cohen and the stunt's a promo for his upcoming film (whose hilarious trailer you must see NOW!). Eminem and his posse left with him cussing a blue streak. Oh well, luckily for him that Bruno recently bleached his asshole. Otherwise it might have been a less heavenly experience.
We already thought that Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart was a thoroughly homoerotic bit of video freakiness—but as this hilarious Literal Video redubbing points out, it's over the top even for the gayest man. Imagine Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds ad crossed with Ck Obsession in the grip of a ketamine bender and you'll have a pretty good idea of what it's like. No wonder the vid's gone viral over just two days!
What're you doing this weekend? How about shaving your pubes, fucking a duck, grinding to rap music, and defending traditional marriage? Now you're weekend's packed and you have the QC Weekender to thank. We gather that latest viral videos from the web and infect you every weekend with pure enjoyment—you're welcome!
Sex With Ducks - Conservative Pat Roberston once said that same-sex marriage will result in people having sex with ducks. We don't want to fuck any mallards, but we know two women who sure do. Their music video is both cute, safe for work, and has all sorts of hilarious pop-culture references to ducks in it. Take that, Scrooge McDuck!
The Defenders - Though a bit heavy-handed, this short film by writer/director Keith Hartman makes a great point about "traditional marriage." If you start trying to protect marriage from the gays, who you gonna protect it from next, eh? Our girl Chastity has her sights set on some other "non-traditional" marriages that she'd like to see dissolved. All in favor?
The License - Who says you can't buy love? All you need is a marriage license and seven goats. Don't understand? It's "tradition." The bible's full of great old-timey traditions that'll help you to experience love in God's way, whether you like it or not. This short film (also by filmmaker Keith Hartman) once again tears down the ridiculous idea that "traditional marriage" is worth defending, and has a deadly chipper social worker to make sure the message goes down with a smile.
Every week, the editors of QueerClick pour through readers QComments to find the ones that make us raise an eyebrow, think, or spit out our coffee and howl with laughter. Last week, we had a bunch of great QComments over our controversial posts, but this week, our QCommentors turned their crosshairs onto our beloved porn stars and the fur flies! Yow! Read on and see what we mean...
Typically, gay men have an eye for beauty and the beautiful pairing of Matt and Jason from Sean Cody certainly captured the eyes of our readers. One even compared them to an erotic David and Goliath (the biblical warriors, not the Christian cartoon characters). But Jarod noticed something a little extra on Jason's back:
I see that the bottom has had something tattooed on his back for the top to read while he's plowing him. Little thoughtful things like that are so nice.
Something else in the video also caught the eye of regular QCommentor, Mo:
Jason's face looking away from Matt's popshot was kind of humorous. It's not the ark of the covenant, Jason. It wont melt your face if you look at it.
Tee-hee! Talk about a religious experience! But sometimes it's not the beauty of the models that catch our readers' eyes. Sometimes it's the furnishings (how gay)! Shane, for example, noticed an extra large furnishing on the set of Travis Knight's scene with Mike Hancock:
i thought look at the size of his butplugg, then realized it was a lamp!
Any self-respecting gay man makes sure that his surroundings match his personality. So while Sean Cody's hunky model Adrian doesn't quite fit in with his garish bedroom, Seth thinks it's gonna be OK:
The only complaint I have is the set decoration. Did the 80's throw up in that room? Only a model of Adrian's hunkyness can overcome it.
Every Weekender brings you the best in this week's viral videos. So grab a soda, sit back, and hit the play button because this week's collection features men dancing in celebration of gay love, baseball season, of just for the hell of it.
Pride 2009 - Pride's coming and someone's released an opening video that assembles a great collection of gay images throughout history. Sadly, gay pride continues to be associated with shitty techno and this song's no exception. It's the gay man's we We Didn't Start The Fire but the history lesson's worth a watch.
Jimmy and Matthew Staring Contest - When it comes to a Starbucks' coffee battle, comedian Jimmy Kimmel and Lost hunk Matthew Fox must decide who is the more gorgeous... even if it means drinking from the same cup, staring each other down in the toilet, singing Peter Gabriel's "Your Eyes", or showering together. So who'll win?
Who can possibly keep up with everything sticky and sweet in QueerCandy Land — all the hot men and hotter action released between the sheets of major studios, amateurporniums, and new sites? Well, QueerClick can, so you don't have to!
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