Porn on YouTube: The Japanese Love, LOVE, LOOOVE Billy Herrington
Billy Herrington is a bisexual muscleman who worked in porn at the turn of the century. He still stripteases at gay clubs sometimes but otherwise the star has faded into obscurity everywhere EXCEPT FOR IN JAPAN. Japan loves the guy—like crazy extra-lucky happy fun schoolgirl LOVE him. Not only does the guy have his own
Halloween action figure but for the past few years the Japanese video site Nico Nico Douga has hosted insane music video mashups from his films.
Herrington says he is flattered and humbled by his fans’ creativity but that’s probably because he had no other ways to describe how completely bonkers the videos actually are. Are you ready for seizure wrestling, butt bongos, S&M villains and a jock-strapped man-cycle fighting a steamroller? No. No you are not.
BILLY’S DREAMLAND – If you like spastic video game music, you’ll love this one. It has lots of bitch slapping, ball handling, and butt bongos while the wrestle in jockstraps and bikinis. Locker room horseplay has never been so crazy. And don’t forget to stay for the butt-smashing finale!
HATTENDO FIGHTING GAME – Oh! If only our Billy Herrington action figure would come to life and star in a weird fighting game with firetrucks, throat punching, military manhunts, explosions, and a villainous Asian leather queen. This game actually looks a lot like Muscle March except with horribly pixelated graphics. Warning: the video slows down into character select mode at 1:36 and also features baby faces spinning in place of men’s genitals.
BILLY FOR PRESIDENT! – If America ever elected a brain-damaged, auto-tuned ex-porn star for president his version of the national anthem might sound a lot like this. Billy takes the flexing in his wifebeater as the news ticker below features headlines like Vitory for Billy and song lyrics like “I Say Ass We Can…” and “Who can achieve most powerful pants?” We’d vote for you Billy, but only if we were sure you’d lose. No offense, but one inarticulate president is enough.
TOXIC BILLY – Brittany Spears’ music company probably didn’t authorize a CGI-version of Billy to sing Toxic but as one friend of ours said, “Sodomy was a lot more fun when it was illegal.” There’s something alluring about watching the computer-animated musclestud imitating Brittany’s every dance move while lip-synching in a white bikini. Is it weird that we almost find the animated Billy hotter than the real one? Don’t answer that—we love you, digi-Billy!
GAME/TV SHOW/MUSIC VIDEO – We can’t tell if this is the intro for a game, a TV show, a punk rock music video, or all 3. But it does feature Billy ripping some guy’s underwear from behind, bouncing baby faces, and a comic book look that makes us wanna play this thing, whatever the heck this is.
J-POP MY CHERRY – Although this isn’t our favorite video, it does feature some sensual shots of Herrington pumping iron, having his abs worshipped by some gym bunny, and naughtily sucking his finger at the end. Strangely hot considering that it’s basically just a music video.
K-POP JAM- The song in this video (“Oh!” by Girls’ Generation) has a kickin’ beat and a catchy choral hook that has made it our new Korean-pop jam! Plus the video probably reveals more plot about the ongoing S&M locker room wrestling flick than any of the other videos. It seems like the Asian S&M bully gets his army of bitches to start fights at the gym, but Billy’s boys ain’t having it! Plus if you like Billy, then you’ll love ONE-HUNDRED BILLIES!
MOTORCYCLE ROLLER LEGEND – We’ve definitely saved the best for last. Even though it doesn’t feature Billy per se it does combine all the things we love about Japan: winding highways in the wooded hills, fighting robots, photon-firing baby faces, and an incredible man-cycle that you’ll have to see to believe.
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