Three Unexpected Scenarios Perfect For Fleshlights!

A Fleshlight became headline news earlier this month when the newspaper The Guardian tweeted a now deleted picture of the items taken by humanitarian relief worker David Higgins to Afghanistan. You’ll notice in the picture above that among the first aid kit, water filter and distress beacon, Higgins also packed a Fleshlight shaped like a butthole.
We imagine it’s sandy and lonely in the desert caverns of Afghanistan. It’s also probably hard to find a willing partner or sheep to stick your dick into, so it makes sense to bring a Fleshlight to help stay healthy and sane (too much cum clouds the brain and makes men cranky).
But you don’t need a foreign aid worker to need a Fleshlight. In fact, we thought of at least three other situations where it’d pay to have Fleshlight ready. So don’t be caught empty-handed. Click over and see when you should have a Fleshlight handy right away!

A PICNIC: Sure you’ve brought the plasticware, potato salad and sparkling wine. But what are you gonna do to satisfy your other appetites? Instead of risking arrest by plugging your partner right in the middle of the park, why not sneak away with a Fleshlight and enjoy a mid-day nooner? It makes for easy clean-up and is a hell of a lot more fun than boring games of hide-and-go-seek or shooing away ants from your basket all day.

A BUSINESS MEETING: Fiscal reports, progress plans, and implementation calendars are all so boooooring! Even if you have coffee around or a hot co-worker to ogle, business meetings can seem very un-stimulating. That’s why you should tuck a Fleshlight into your blazer pocket. That way, you can excuse yourself for a bathroom quickie and then return without anyone suspecting a thing — heck, such ingenuity should get you a promotion!

GODZILLA ATTACK: In a recent study of people living in Godzilla-ravaged areas, 83 percent say that they wish they had thought of a way to get off while a giant reptile laid their city to waste. Seriously, after a radioactive monster attacks your city, you’ll lack access to cell phone service, public transportation and reliable bathhouses. So it’s a good idea to have a Fleshlight ready — that way you can still get off and then get on with helping search the rubble for survivors.
Oh, and a small postscript: Proud to be included in the equipment of a foreign aid worker in the above-mentioned story, Interactive Life Forms (the parent company behind Fleshlight) donated $5,000 to the international aid group, Doctors Without Borders. Fleshlight also made sure to mention that they have a special brand of “Flight” style jerk-off toys for discreet use by “humanitarians and military personnel.”