We Watched Broke Straight Boys’ YouTube Channel So You Don’t Have To


Broke Straight Guys has a YouTube channel filled with videos of like, straight dude bros hanging out and like, doing stuff and the sort of things bros so when they’re not busy cramming their mouths full of “heterosexual” boy dongs. Their videos are basically like the hybrid mutant kids of soft-core beer ads and Big Brother reality shows, except with slightly more homo-tension.
If you like brahs and Big Brother then walk (do not RUN) to their YouTube channel right now! But if you feel “meh” about those things, then this article is for you! We’ve gone through and watched most of Broke Straight Boys’ videos for you so you can cut through the marketing filler and get straight (tee-hee) to the good stuff.
Check out five of their best vids after the jump!



KADEN ALEXANDER SHORT FILM – If you like watching a bare chested dude repeatedly wipe down his pecs and suggestively finger his waistband while gazing forlornly into the clouds, then the video above is for you! Seriously, all it needs is a bottle of pretentiously named toilet water and it’d basically be a Calvin Klein cologne ad. It also has 90’s style techno music and Kaden dancing like a robot because some porn lovers like robotic gay sex — gay sex robots are the future of porn.

DMITRI’S LIFE IS A LIE – Wanna feel awkward? Then watch this video of straight boy Dmitri Thomas talking about his recent breakup, the false identity he puts on when sucking dongs and the discomfort of blowing men on camera. IT’S SO GODDAMNED SAD — just look at his haunted puppy eyes!!! Listening to him talk so much about his love of women is even sadder because it makes us think that he’s either actually totally gay or that Broke Straight Boys mistakenly think that women are actually watching this ca-ca — remember when Playgirl used to try and pass off all their models as straight? It’s kinda like that, but worse because we never actually had to hear those guys talk.

TYLER WHITE ENTERS THE DARK – Would you like to work in gay porn? Of course not! That’s why you’re here masturbating to it instead of working out at the gym and practicing blowjobs on mangy carrots. But get this — working for Broke Straight Boys is like a real job (mixed with reform school). A German headmistress pick you up from the airport, you develop an insatiable yen for cigarettes, you get tossed in the big house, made to masturbate on camera and then you have to learn the ins-and-outs of web forums while secretly wishing you were stoned. At least they’re getting paid, right?

VENUS AS A BOY – No, this video has nothing to do with the Bjork song of the same name. If anything, the video should remind you of all the good and bad things about having a boyfriend. Sure, you get to sleep with a hunky piece of man-candy who sometimes wears pink undies. But he also wakes up smelling like a bag full of stanky balls and then — when you’re really turned on — the bastard gets half-dressed and goes back to sleep while you regard him with semi-hard on and scorn.

DANIEL & ANGEL SHOWER SCENE – There’s something delightfully miserable about the way actual straight guys touch and kiss one another. It’s not at all like gay guys. When gay guys first do it, they’ve wanted to tongue and bone a dude for a while, so they just go for it — slobbering and grabbing at each other like two starved apes in heat. When straight guys do it however, they kinda suck at it. They’re all timid and never use their lips. While it’s kinda hot to watch, it makes us thank God we’re actually gay. Oh, and if you wanna see more, check out Adam and Johnny’s pool scene.
We may one day go back and suggest more of their videos, but we’ll probably just skip it and masturbate to their actual porn scenes.

Jul 08, 2014 By paperbagwriter 7 Comments