Ask QC: A feminine male trying to date in a masculine world

Dear Ask QC,

So here it is, I’ve just begun online dating again after a 3 year hiatus (I needed some time just to stop dating and to concentrate on me). I found a site that I was looking for. I really want to date this time around – this meant no hook ups.
My profile was well thought out. I even had friends edit it for me. I think it’s pretty great and is a wonderful reflection of who I am as a person. I’m in my mid-30’s and pretty confident without being too cocky.

Once posted, I did get a few hits and have gone on a few coffee dates with the promise of a second date. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t.

Anyway, what I have noticed in a few of the profiles is the word “masculine” to describe what they are. I have since learned that this is actually their way of saying, that they are looking for the same.

I even had one guy tell me that he wasn’t interested in me because my photo’s made me look like I was ‘too femme’. It’s not as though I was in a pair of heels or make up, but I do have what you would call pretty facial features.

I know I’m not exactly masculine and yes I do have some feminine tendencies, but this is who I am and I don’t know how else to be, but me. I’m not overly flamboyant, but it’s probably true to say that Stevie Wonder could spot me from a mile away too LOL!

Look, I’m realistic. I’m not looking to date a Hugh Jackman type, but I’d like to date quality men who aren’t just looking for an ‘obvious bottom’ (for the record, I’m versatile). I’d even date a femme guy, but it seems they’re looking for that masculine guy as well.

Do any of my femme ‘sisters’ have this same problem? Are there any dating sites that are just for us? Do I downplay my femme qualities in my photo’s? Any advice (good or bad) would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

SB.

Hi SB and thanks for writing in with your interesting question and topic. We’re very sure that all men and women have differing scales of feminine/masculine qualities and we say the world is a much better place because of that too! Lets face it, how dull and uninteresting life would be if we were all the same, right? But it certainly sounds like you’re finding it quite challenging to find a guy with the qualities you prefer. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you offer SB? Do you know of any specific sites, apps or places that would make his search easier? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice for all in the QComments section!
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