Ask QC: How should I deal with a clingy boyfriend?

Dear QC,

I’m 24 and not had many boyfriends, but my previous two were like me, quite independent and outgoing. We would meet up a few times a week and maybe text a few times each, sometimes more. But my recent boyfriend I feel it’s becoming excessive and clingy.

He is 22, cute as a button and really hot too, but he wants to be there by my side incessantly – for every single trip I make in my car (even to the grocery store), every meal, every movie, even if I’m shaving he’ll stand at the bathroom door chatting. It’s getting to the point where I am turning off my phone just so I don’t have to see his texts coming in. But when I turn it on again I get a stream of texts from him and questions asking if I’m ok and what happened to me.

I really like him but I want to get him to stop this, at least tone it down but I don’t know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. I know he’s looking out for me, but I don’t need to be checked on to see if I’m ok every 30 seconds do I? I really don’t think its OK behaviour even though I’m hot for him, this is really starting to drive me nuts!

I was chatting with one of my work colleagues about this and she said it’s my fault for allowing it to happen. I’m not really sure how it is or what I did to allow it to happen but I’m open to suggestions to get it to stop. If there is anything I can change in my habits or about myself to fix the situation I will do that too. I’m not the sort of guy who will dump anyone just because of this, but it is getting to the point where I am getting down and depressed at it. It almost feel’s like I am being stalked 🙁 Any ideas what to do guys?

Hugs, kisses and thanks

Connelly

Hi Connelly and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. It certainly sounds like your current boyfriend cares for you a lot and that’s not a bad thing, but finding the right balance in a relationship without overstepping boundaries is something you both need to work out. Perhaps you could start by setting some ground rules, maybe no texting during working hours, or after midnight. Maybe you could tell him there are certain times you need to be apart or alone and that you will then appreciate the time with him all the more. I’m sure he’s not intentionally harrassing you, he probably doesn’t even realize that it’s starting to get to you. So dear QC readers what advice would you give Connelly on how to deal with this situation? Have you had a clingy boyfriend before? How did you work things out? Please share your tips and experiences to help him and all in the QComments section!

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