Ask QC: He still uses dating apps even though we are in an LTR

Dear Ask QC,

I’ve been dating my current bf for over 8 months now, we met on the dating apps which was fun and convenient at the time. The thing is he still uses them, it irks me when I see notifications pop up on his phone when we are together. He says its because he still has good friends on there that he chats with. But I thought at 8 months and seeing as we are dating steady it would be a good time for us both to delete them – but he’s refused.

He says I am being overly sensitive on the issue and that I have to trust him but it does rather make me feel insecure. When I’ve asked my friends about this they are divided into two camps on this. There are those that say I should give him the freedom and room to do what he likes and not become a clingy or needy bf for fear of driving him away. And the others say he is probably a player and still hooking up and that’s why he still uses the apps.

Am I being too whiny and insecure or do I have a real concern with him still using the apps?

Thanks,

Aidan

Hi Aidan and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. The dating apps are definitely a great way to meet new friends and with the possibility of meeting a future partner too. Generally profiles will directly say if they are looking for friends or lovers so perhaps you could ask you bf to either show his profile or some of the chats he has to set your mind at ease? He may well say this is an invasion of his privacy but it’s for him to decide what he may or may not show you. Depending on his response this may well be an opening for you both to be able to discuss this further – his chats and friends on there could well just be platonic and in showing you he would be able to ally any fears or insecurity you may be feeling on this issue. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Aidan? Any tips on how he should approach this subject with his boyfriend? If you have any ideas on how to help Aidan and his partner then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

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