Ask QC: Erection Wilts Under Pressure

Dear Ask QC,

I’m really hoping someone here can help me…

When I’m hooking up with someone, I tend to get a bit one track focused on the task at hand/mouth. I really enjoy giving head/rimming, but when I’m doing it, despite being into it, my dick tends to get soft. It’s confusing to me. I’m definitely enjoying what I’m doing, but my dick doesn’t ever seem to get the memo. This, itself, while problematic, is not the full issue.

Now, when I’m doing this and suddenly my dick gets called into action to top, he’s not ready to go. And, whenever this has happened and I need to get hard quickly, it just… wilts. No matter how into the person I’m with I am, when all eyes are on my dick, he becomes a shrinking violet. And the more anxious/stressed about it I get, the worse it becomes.

I don’t know what to do. This has happened multiple times with multiple partners, but it never seems to be an issue when I’m on my own and have some porn handy. And I don’t think its any sort of porn addiction, since I’ve tried watching porn while with another guy to get hard and still nothing. I just… don’t know what to do anymore.

I hate feeling like I can’t rely on my body to come through for me, and I feel like I’m letting myself and my partners down. Which isn’t helping with the clear performance anxiety element here, creating a vicious cycle.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Or had a partner who experienced this? Or does anyone have suggestions on how to get past this?

Mr Softee

Hi Mr Softee and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Firstly, it’s good that you have still some humor about your situation by signing off with that name! Your issue sounds more like a performance anxiety condition and it may be reassuring (somewhat) to know that it is probably more common than you realize. Ask QC has discussed similar issues in the past, for example losing an erection when fitting a condom and you may find those comments in the archives useful too. The good news is the fact that you are able to get a full erection when not with a partner and this would indicate no physical problems and points more to a psychological or physiological condition. The other good news is that you will be able to overcome this – many men have! We would recommend talking with your physician or urologist who will be better able to diagnose and suggest the best treatment for this. But of course, the collective QC wisdom is always available here too, so dear QC readers, how would you help Mr S here with his issue? Have either you or your partner been in this situation during sex? What did you do and how did you resolve this issue? If you can help him in anyway then please leave your advice and experiences in the QComments section.

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!