Let’s Just Talk About Our “Preferences” On Grindr

I have been reading a lot of rants and complaints about Grindr allowing discrimination. Some gay guys even describe the app as “toxic” and “invalidating”, an environment they cannot stand because they cannot fit inside most of the users so-called “preferences”. But where do we draw the line between “preferences” and “discrimination”? Are these people just being vocal about who they want? Are these people who feel “invalidated” might have just been using the wrong app all along? How can preferences go over the top or below the belt?

BUT WHAT IS REALLY THE APP FOR?

Since its launch in 2009, Grindr has become a global phenomenon within the gay community. According to its blog, the app “has quickly grown into the world’s largest social networking app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people.” If you’re going to look for the app in the App Store, it also falls under the “Social Networking” category. On the other hand, Tinder, which is a mainly popular app, but not exclusively, for dating falls under the “Lifestyle” category. What I’m trying to point out is how Grindr is being marketed by its developers as something you can use not only for MOSTLY OTHER THINGS and “dating” is there placed at the end of the food chain. And we are all adults not to know that this app is mainly used for hooking up! A small percentage of the people who downloaded the app is still looking for their prince charming there which I think, an impossible task but who knows.

By saying that the app is mainly utilized for hooking up, expect a lot of gay men there looking for one night stands. We just cannot really say that the app is a “dating” app. It could be but it’s not how its developers are selling it. And when you’re being asked about who do you want to hook up with, what comes in your mind are things that are superficial. Physical attractiveness plays a vital part and that’s where the problem arises. Going back to Grindr’s unofficial heterosexual counterpart, Tinder may have taught people a bit to rely on pictures to decide whether to swipe left, if you’re not interested with the person on the photo or right if it’s otherwise. BUT of course, people are not contented with just one picture so the tendency is for you to seek for more photos so you’d click on the “more info” icon which reveals more photos of them but not just that, it also shows you their BIOs which will attract you to read it too. Chances are you are going to be interested with the person based on whatever is written on their BIOs rather than basing your preferences solely on whatever picture is displayed on their profiles. This mechanism subliminally lectures you that there may be more than meets the eye.

On Grindr, it’s the other way around. They give you the liberty to chat whoever you want to send a message to but you can only see one picture of this person. so the tendency here is they are going to ask for your picture and if they did not like your appearance, VOILA! they vanish into the thin air. The way the app works is a hint on how it should be used as a hookup tool. Message the guy, entice him to send you more pics if you did not like how he looks then leave him on “Delivered” or block him to stop him from bugging you. The thing here is this app is not for the fainted heart.

PREFERENCES VS DISCRIMINATION

So let’s get to discussing this. There will be some points here where you may not agree with but pretty much, I want to stay politically correct as much as possible but also dive into inevitable human instincts. Let’s get to the point here. It’s bad to reject people as much as being rejected. But it’s worse to reject people just because of their race, sexual identities, age or anything that identifies a person’s individuality. But why would you be in a “hookup” app in the first place? LOVE sees no, race, age, etc… but the truth is SEXUAL ATTRACTION does. This might really sound offensive but people are people. You know exactly which quality of a man would make your stick stand hard, lips you would want to make out with, a physique that would make you drool like a hungry bitch. You know exactly who would you like to have sex with.

In July 2018, Sinakhone Keodara attempted to file a class action lawsuit against the app for allowing discrimination against Asians. Many have raised eyebrows. In this case, again, we predominantly use Grindr as a tool to look for instant sexcapades. If you more into knowing the inner beauty of a person or be offended by some skanks judging you based on your color or age or what not, then Grindr is clearly not for you. There are some more decent apps you can use to find a date because again, Grindr is barely a dating app.

BUT STILL, you may be using Grindr to find sexual relief from someone you are really attracted to physically but this does not justify you to negatively point out what you don’t like in a guy you want to get laid with. I’d rather take the more difficult way of putting my best photo on my profile and writing about myself and what I want during sex rather than specifically shooting people down racially or sexually which might offend them. At the end of the day, it is still our bodies who would be turned on by a specific type of men. Plus, there are some polite ways to turn down a guy rather than blatantly throwing bricks at them by writing “No effeminate” or “No chubs” in your bio. Not responding to any man you do not like who messaged you would also do the trick. We are not children, we would easily get the message. Loud and clear. I believe in freedom of speech and not hate speech.

WHAT ACTIONS CAN ALL PARTIES TAKE THOUGH?

Last July, Grindr announced that an app is set to launch in September this year. Kindr, as how it would be called, already has a website and going there would just lead you to a plain magenta-themed page with voiceovers tackling current issues regarding discrimination within the LGBTQI+ community. And you can see “It’s time to play nice” as their tagline. Nobody is so sure if this is going to be like an alternative version of Grindr but we’ll just wait and see.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BlvtzN3h5il/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

The issue has been going on since forever and on this particular matter, we are not certain if it’s going to be resolved anytime soon. Grindr even has a “My Tribes” section you can optionally fill-out which lets you identify yourself among a niche group of every type of gay man. Selections include “Bear”, “Discreet”, “Jock”, “Otter”, “Rugged” etc… You should notice that these characteristics are well, characteristics. They are all physical qualities. The app evidently wants you to identify yourself according to which “Tribes” you belong based on your physical appearance to narrow one’s search for his type of guy to hook up with. This just clearly tells you that if you want to meet someone with qualities you cannot see on the outside, raise a family with him, then get out of the app and do something else rather than contemplating why people want to meet specific types of people when you yourself are free to express that you would love someone beautiful in the inside?

For those who have preferences, if someone you don’t like messages you then just ignore them. Telling them they have qualities that you do not like is unacceptable especially when those qualities would have to do something about their race, gender, body type, etc… It may be better to just simply tell them you are not interested. Your racial, religious, physical preferences are nobody’s business so why they don’t really have to force you to tell them why you are turning them down much as why you do not really need to put “NO BLACKS” or “NO ASIANS” in your profile.

We may only be looking for casual sex but sex is still part of human nature. Most of us need it, much as respect to one another. Honesty is hugely different from bigotry.

How about you? What is your take on this issue? Are there any issues you want to talk about? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

Aug 31, 2018 By Miguel 8 Comments