We Know Where Harry Potter Is Hiding The Elder Wand!

In case you haven’t been following all eight movies and seven books, the Dark Lord Voldemort has been chasing down the legendary Elder Wand—the most powerful wand on Earth. Boy wizard turned heartthrob Harry Potter has been searching for it too. But little does he know that it’s been under his pubes nose this entire time! We’ve sniffed out its location on The Boy Who Lived, fresh from a sweaty training session at Hogwart’s; and now we’re ready to share the wand’s secrets with you!

Rumor has it* that Daniel Radcliffe’s wand measures between five to seven and three-quarters inches when engorged in battle. We hear that Radcliffe has been known to weave many a spell with its hardwood shaft, enchanting many a young witch into doing his bidding and bobbing. We have to say, even under his Cloak of Semi-visibility, we’re still under his man-spell and hope that pictures of the legendary wand will one day end up on the front pages of The Daily Prophet.
*and by “rumor has it” we mean, “we made it up.”
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