Sporno: Alexandre Despatie

Like most people, one of the main reasons I tune into the Olympics every four years is to watch the men's diving. But London 2012 was a let down for me as I couldn't get into the hoopla last year around twinky British Olympic diver Tom Daley, and as for Matthew Mithcam's recent revelations that he used crystal meth, well that's been the worst kept secret in the Sydney party scene for years.

Sporno: Alexandre Despatie

I was let down too by the relatively poor performance of my dream boyfriend Alexandre Despatie, the 27-year-old from Montreal who's won ten tons of diving medals winning world championships, and since he was 14. He also happens to look like a top-shelf gay porn star.

Just gorgeous.