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Ask QC: My best friend’s boyfriend is homophobic!

Dear Ask QC,

I’m an Asian guy who is studying in the US right now. My best female friend who is from the same country as me is currently dating an Army guy. To be honest, I really did not think these two would be a good match for each other. He’s a super conservative (republican) and she’s really quite a free spirit. I guess it could be what attracts him is that my friend is really open-minded and independent, even though she’s still a stereotypical “submissive” Asian gal.

I’ve really tried to like this guy but I just can’t, he’s really a douche-bag! Although he doesn’t drink or treat my friend badly, he has a very tedious sense of humor but worst of all, he’s blatantly homophobic!

When I was first introduced to him, and knowing him from the Army, I asked him about “Don’t ask, don’t tell”, and immediately he started a very obnoxious gay imitation with his wrist and lisp. I was really very offended by that, but for the sake of the dinner’s peace, I didn’t say anything. He then argued that he cannot be with soldiers who he cannot trust. WTF has that got to do with gay soldiers? I was so shocked and upset that I had to step outside for awhile.

My friend after that still continued seeing him, after all that’s her choice but I really didn’t say anything to her about how I felt for several reasons. Firstly, I’m still in the closet; secondly, she seems to like this guy a lot and this is the first time I’ve actually seen her so very happy. Lastly, I really don’t know anything about relationships so I just cannot put my nose in like that, I don’t want to interfere.

For a while though, I actually started being okay in the same room with him until recently, until she told me that he’s joining the “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day” to support the ban on gay marriage. Now, I know I can’t have any control about this, but there is still an urge inside me to punch him in the face and tell my friend to stop seeing him!

What should I do about this?

Jeremy

Hi Jeremy and thanks for writing into Ask QC, I’m sure our readers will have some ideas on how to help! Even though we can never chose our friends dates, husbands or life partners, it’s sometimes difficult to put up with their quirks, idiosyncrasies or prejudices. Do you stay quiet for the sake of harmony and to retain your friendship, or do you speak up regardless? So dear QC readers what advice would you give? Have you ever been in similar situation? How did it work out for you? If you can help Jeremy resolve or come to terms with this then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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