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Ask QC: I’m a Bottom but I hate Anal sex

Hi QC,

I’m 26 and have been sexually active since 18, did the club scene for a few years and sexually tried most things during that period whilst I was “finding myself”.

Now, after several long term relationships, I’ve settled down with my life partner (we’ve been together now for 2 years), we live together and everything is great apart from one part of our sex life.

I’m a Bottom but I hate anal sex! I’ve tried being a top, flex, etc but it doesn’t work for me. I love cock, and I love my boyfriend – I worship his cock, his body, everything. And, he’s definitely a Top only – he wants and needs anal sex but I just can’t enjoy it.

Yes, I can do it – I’m ok with the mechanics of having anal sex, the douching, the preparations, etc and its not as though its even painful. I’ve practiced enough times with dildo’s, etc and I’ve really tried to get into it when he’s pounding me but for some reason I just can’t stand it. It’s not a case of not just enjoying it, I just really hate it for some reason but I don’t know why.

I love being gay, I have no issues with that, I’m happy at work and out to family and friends, as far as I know I don’t have any hang ups – apart from the anal sex thing. I can, of course, just “grin and bear it” for the sake of my boyfriend but I’m not sure even that’s the right thing to do.

And I love having sex with my boyfriend too, we really do have a wonderful and regular sex life, its just this one aspect that I can’t handle. It is, however, something that he really wants to do – and enjoys doing too. So even though I enjoy almost everything, I then start to tense up knowing what’s coming and then have to go through with it.

I’ve discussed it with him, and even suggested we don’t fuck at all – but he really didn’t like the idea of that! Is there anyway that I can find a solution to this? I don’t want to lose him over this (it’s been one of the reasons of previous break ups), I know from talking with my other gay friends that not everyone is into anal sex, some couples don’t do it at all (but some couples only do anal sex and nothing else).

It’s such a shame as we are compatible on every other level and our relationship works so well together. We are a great “fit” in every aspect except this one thing and it’s getting me down. Any way to resolve this? Will I ever learn to love and enjoy anal sex or is it something that I’m going to have to endure?

Thanks in advance!

Hugs,

Wills

Hi Wills and thanks for your question and concerns. You are right it saying that not everyone enjoys anal sex and that not every gay couple practice it too. The things is that we all enjoy and desire different things, so in that respect you are no different from anyone else. The key, of course, is finding a compatible partner with which to share your intimacy with, and I’m sure our readers here cover every spectrum of sex that can be imagined. It’s very likely then that other readers have experienced the same issues as you and may well have found a solution or suitable compromise to this situation. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Wills? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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