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Ask QC: I still have a crush on him after all these years…

Dear Ask QC,

Is this normal or am I obsessed? I’m 28 years old, but when I was 13, I met a guy at school who I totally had a crush on, really I fell in love with him but never did anything about it. I wasn’t “out” to friends or family then and I was still confused and struggling with why I felt so much for him.

Nothing ever happened between us, apart from being very friendly in class and sometimes traveling together on the bus, but it felt so good to be around him, just to be near him. We used to hang out at lunch and ride around on our bikes and boards together at weekends but that was about it really.

Of course I fantasized just about every situation that might happen together, but it never did and when my family moved out of the area and then I went to a college and started work, we just lost contact. For a while I was really down and depressed and sad about that but eventually I came to terms with it, although he has still always been there in my thoughts (and even dreams)

Now I have the opportunity to return to that city for a school reunion, I’ve not attended any since I left that school as work commitments have prevented me from going before. But this year, he actually got in touch with me through LinkedIn and said it would be a good excuse to catch up together. A few things ran through my mind, one that he had taken the time and effort to track me down and also when we started to converse on chat he mentioned that hes not the marrying kind of guy (this piqued my interest!)

I havent told him I’m gay (just said I was single) and I don’t really know whether his comment about not marrying meant hes letting me know he’s available, or he’s straight and not ready for settling down yet? I feel like a love struck teen again which is crazy, am I being foolish and thinking too much into this or could this be our opportunity for us to finally get together?

I’m sure there are a lot of guys here who’ll think I’m foolish or being idiotic (isn’t that what love does to you?) but I would really like some advice on how I should handle the school reunion and meeting up with him. Should I let him know beforehand I’m gay, or just come out to him and everyone else at the same time? I’m ‘out’ now and comfortable with it, but unless I tell people usually its not that obvious to them. Also, do you think I tell him that I’ve had this crush on him for all of these years? Will that scare him off, freak him out? I don’t know why but I seem to be having all these fears and doubts that I had when I was a teenager now, thought I’d got over that and I feel a bit silly at my age acting like this. I’m sure there will be some who think I’m insane for even thinking theres a possibility now, but I’m an optimistic type of guy and any help or advice offered is gratefully accepted.

Cheers

Murray

Hi Murray and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We all remember our first loves and crushes so no, don’t feel silly about that. Remember that Ask QC is a place where you can ask anything in an informative and non-judgemental environment. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Murray? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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