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Ask QC: Colostomy bags anyone?

Hi QC,

I’m not sure if anyone can hep with my question as it’s something I’ve never come across before.

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, just dates and movies and becoming friends, nothing sexual (don’t sound too surprised not all of us jump into bed on the first date LOL!) but we’ve gotten really fond of each other.

We are definitely attracted to each other and it’s gone a little beyond the flirting stage. So, last week I was over at his place for dinner, we started making out and it got really frenzied, more than I thought we would go – but then he stopped suddenly and said he had something to tell me before we went any further.

That’s when he told me he had a colostomy bag fitted, and said most people are grossed out by the idea of this so he hadn’t mentioned it until now. Of course that killed the moment and we didn’t go any further. He’s only in his 20’s but had a serious illness as a child which resulted in his colon being removed and has worn the bag since he was 9. He did his best to try and tell me everything about it and even explained that if we had sex (including anal) it wouldn’t make any difference to the physical side of things.

But I still had to stop and couldn’t go further, which I’m a bit confused and disgusted with myself about really but I was definitely shocked by him telling me about this right at that moment. I know it must have hurt for him as well but, well it wasn’t anything I was expecting at that time. I understand it’s a difficult subject for him to bring up, its not like you would advertize the fact is it? But I guess it’s knowing when to bring the up a subject like this too?

Well, that incident truly killed the moment, and the evening too, and nothing else happened after that, we kinda made excuses about work the next day and having to get up early. He didn’t ask me to stay over (which I hadn’t planned) but I took that cue to go home too. We are still in touch and have gone out a couple of times since, not back to his place or mine but just for dinner but the topic hasn’t been mentioned anymore, I don’t really know how to bring it up again appropriately. And perhaps he thinks now that he has explained it to me and I didn’t run a mile then he believes everything is OK with me about it.

After the initial shock, and a little time to let it sink in then I am still trying to be OK about it. So, I’m here really just asking advice on how to handle this a bit better, any of you guys come across this before or know if its a problem? I’m worried about all sorts of things (the bag coming off during sex, seeing where its attached, hugging him and feeling the bag with its contents and all… I don’t know)

Thanks for any help with this, Trenton

Hi Trenton and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We’ve not had this question before so hopefully there are some readers who are able to help you and your friend with this. There is a lot of information out there, forums, online, etc, but realize that you are here after first hand experiences so dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Trenton? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!

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