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Ask QC: Should I bring porn into our relationship?

Dear Ask QC,

I’m in a new relationship with a lovely guy, so far things have been pretty good apart from in the bedroom. I’m in my mid 30’s and been out for years and I guess fairly experienced in regards sex, gay lifestyle and partners (I’ve had two long term relationships, each 5-6 years). On the other hand my new bf is early 20’s, I’m his first real boyfriend and apart from leading a closeted life (up till now) he’s the opposite of me in that he’s quiet, introverted and the studious type – I’m the more outgoing one.

Most things have been going really well together, to the point where he has agreed to move in with me early next year after Christmas and the holidays. We will both be visiting our respective parents in different cities separately and January is the earliest opportunity to start up together -something we are both really looking forward to!

The thing is, when it comes to sex, he’s not only shy and inexperienced but he is also really innocent to a lot of the usual terms or actions that most guys his age would know, or at least have some knowledge of by watching porn even if they’ve never done it before. And it’s not like I’m talking about anything extreme or weird or kinky here, just the usual stuff – apart from making out, we are just talking about mutual masturbation, sucking and hopefully fingering leading eventually to some fucking too. Thing is, in all my past relationships we always used to watch porn together and this not only broke the ice but helped get us in the mood and open us up new ideas and things to try out. With my latest boyfriend he says he’s not even watched porn before as he led a very closeted and strict religious upbringing with his family (they had very limited access to online content and even then it was closely monitored by seniors).

So my question is this, should I introduce him to porn together in our relationship to help things along? Like I say I’ve always enjoyed it especially with my former partners but the situation was different with them as they had the same interest in it and where totally cool with the idea and enjoyed watching it together. If I go ahead with this, what would be the best way to introduce him to it, or is it just a bad idea and will sour things?

All the best, JP

Hi JP and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns.. It’s good that you have reached out for advice as no two relationships are the same, your newest certainly sounds as though it has a different dynamic compared to your former LTR’s. You obviously care enough to ask here rather than just jump straight in and click on a porn video in the bedroom which your new boyfriend may or may not enjoy. As he has already let you know his upbringing was strict and he has not experienced so much freedom to choose to watch porn his reaction to it is a rather unknown quantity at this stage. But here is the thing, even though lots of people enjoy porn they don’t necessarily watch it together (either in or outside relationships). That’s not to say there is anything wrong with viewing it together, it just may not be everyone’s thing – some may view it as a “private thing” and only watched solo – others, like yourself, are quite open about it and fine with enjoying watching it together. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give JP? Should he ask his new boyfriend to watch porn together? And if so, how should he introduce him to it? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

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