Does Jesus Want To Get Inside Of Mason Wyler?
Mason Wyler gets lots of fan mail, mostly from guys trying to win his "Who wants to fuck me" contest. But every now and then, a fan will reach out to Mason with more than just his dick and try to make an impact on more than just Mason's ass.
One fan in particular watches Mason's work, but wants him to repent for having made it. Is this a Christian case of "love the porn, hate the porn actor"? Let's see...
The fan's letter to Mason's agent begins:
Please tell Mason Wyler to get in touch with me!
A pretty standard opening for a fan letter, though if he wants to (ahem) "get in touch with" Mason, he'd better take a number and have several hundred IN CASH. You can't swipe a credit card through Mason's buttcheeks, no siree. The fan continues...
I want to introduce Jesus Christ to Him; I have prayed for him, and I know Jesus will save him from hell. I don\'t want him to go there.
He probably doesn't want Mason to go to Hell so he can spend an eternity in Heaven singing hymns and drinking Jesus juice next to the big-dicked bottom. We have it on good authority that the gay sex in Hell is much hotter (7th circle, 3rd level here we cum!). And besides, angels don't have genitals. Everybody knows that they're smooth as Smurfs.
But anyway, the fan continues...
Please tell him he needs to read the Bible and start a relationship with Jesus as soon as possible! Jesus has better things for him.
So Jesus wants a relationship with Mason, huh? Well that's great because Mason just broke up with his boyfriend! We hope Jesus is a top.
Wait... of course he is. After all, he was [[extends arms out to each side]] hung like this! But before Mason could accept, the fan had one last shout out from Big Baby J:
In the name of jesus Christ I declare he will repent and he will follow Him! Thank you!
That's great and all. But haven't you heard the Good News, brother? Mason's already living a very holey lifestyle. Many a time he's knelt down and communed with his fellow man to receive the spirit. In fact, he's literally bent over backwards for it. We're sure he has so much spirit pumped deep inside of him that it's flowing through his heart and out his ears—you can even see it in his pearly white smile.
Mason's capacity for love and service is very deep and he's been spreading it further and wider than any other evangelist we've ever seen (well, except for maybe Ted Haggard and Jim Baker).
Mason Wyler may be a Godless slut, but he's our Godless slut. So you can pray all you want, just don't prey on him. Whatever and ever... Amen.
PS. We're going to Hell for posting that picture of Baby J. And if it it made you smile, you're going to Hell too.
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QC Asians
Reader Comments
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Yay Hell! :D
I guess Jesus is about the only guy who hasn't fucked Mason yet.
But hey like Mark Twain said, "Heaven for the climate, hell for the company."
Hasn't Jesus fucked all of us, already?
has mason truly been forgiven for his fake rape and robbery?
the little jerk should be in jail.
I don't think that dissing on one religion or another is really appropriate for what this site is about. This is a gossip, news, porn site...Now we're moving to slander Christians. What's next, Jews? Muslims? Wiccans? The point here is that despite how much Christians might have given us a hard time, we should set better examples and not lower ourselves to their standards. If they want to be hypocritical and judgemental, let them be...but let's be the real adults and side-step the matter entirely...
After all, this isn't high school.
(PAPERBAGWRITER: We were just having a bit of fun. We're hardly the first people to mix the sacred and the profane. We mean, have you ever read the Song of Solomon? That book makes us mega-moist. We tend to take a South Park type approach to sensitive topics, provocatively poking fun instead of taking anything too seriously.
Porn is really one of the last countercultural frontiers we have left. In our mind, almost everything's a worthy target for parody. In this case, we made fun of the idea of a porn lover who also wants to save Mason's hole, err, we mean, soul. Apart from the picture, we didn't say anything to lampoon the writer's genuine belief or Jesus.
Jesus was "hung like this" and was probably a awesome top. How else do you think he got 12 guys to leave their wives and follow him around all the time?)
Real tacky Queer Click.
That is wrong on so many levels.