Ask QC: Low Libido, Depressed and In The Closet… Help!

Hi there,

So I have been seeing a guy since November, going on several months now. We see each other at least four times a week, cuddle on the couch, watch TV shows together, have inside jokes, and for all intents and purposes are dating, even though he “doesn’t like labels.”

Sexually, we are kind of complicated. He’s diagnosed with depression, and on anti-depressants he can’t keep it up. He assures me that it’s not me, but one still wonders. He has since come off the pills with the guidance of his doctor, but often, he has no libido at all. So I guess all of that is problem one.

To complicate those problems, I am the first guy he has ever been with. He is not out at all, but will hold my hand in public. He recently told me that he feels wrong after every time we do anything sexually. It’s not a religious hang-up, but living in the Bible Belt, that guilt comes when you are a kind of new gay. He claims that he is unsure that he is gay, but with claims about how my touch means more to him than a girl’s ever has, I find it hard to believe that as a possibility, because I know how he is feeling from my first boyfriend.

On the good side he is a great guy, he is smart, into me, well-read, on a job track to a nice life, very attractive, and shares my sense of humor. I really, really care about him, and worry about these issues and his depression compounding. So QC readers, take a break from your porn and help me please. What should I do….stand by him, talk to him? If so, how do I bring up issues like these without overstepping personal bounds? How do I talk to him, and tell him about my coming out and coming to terms experiences (that I think can help him]) without seeming like I am trying to offer him propaganda?

Thanks for all of your advice,

CT

Hi CT and thanks for writing in with your concerns and worries. Have any of you been in a similar situation? What did you do? And what’s the best way to handle this? If you can help CT answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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