Ask QC: Is Masturbating Alone Whilst in a Relationship ‘Normal’?

Hi guys,

I’m 32 years old and have been living together in a relationship for 6 years with my partner who is 40 years old. We plan to marry soon, but recently I became aware that my partner masturbates alone regularly. I would say in general we are compatible on many levels, he’s perhaps got more sex drive than I and he’s also definitely the top in the relationship and the one who usually initiates sex.

The thing is I just happened to walk in on him when I came home early from work and he wasn’t expecting me back and, I caught him in the act. Even though we both intimately know each others bodies, weirdly, we were both embarrassed by it!

We talked about it afterwards and I was expecting him to say it was a ‘one off’ but he admitted that he does it regularly, at least several times a week – that got me mad!

I don’t know why, but I feel like he’s cheated on me, or at least he’s cheated me out of having sex with him – I know this is probably a bit irrational to feel like this, but if he needed sex then I am his partner and I believe he should be sharing it with me and not masturbating alone. Sure I work long hours, but I’m always there for him every night, so why does he still feel the need to jack off by himself?

My question is, is it normal within relationships for partners to masturbate alone? My boyfriend says it is, and although I haven’t had too many partners in the past (living together that is) so I don’t really know if its normal or not. I do know that I feel hurt by this, don’t get me wrong I’m very open regarding sex and in the bedroom we play with plenty of toys together – its just the fact he was doing it alone that disturbs me.

I realize that this might be totally normal and happens in all relationships so perhaps I’m the only one who doesn’t do this, but if you guys have any advice or experiences on this subject I would be most grateful.

Many thanks,

Jasone M

We all masturbate don’t we? But do we do it alone when we are in ‘live in relationships’? Is it rational for Jasone to feel the way he does? If you can help him answer any of these questions and more, or have any other advice to offer him, then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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