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Michelangelo Wants To Touch Your Butthole In The Sistine Chapel

This last week, an Italian art historian said that renowned artist Michelangelo likely filled his painting on the back wall of the Sistine Chapel with the images from Italy’s gay bathhouses. You see, Mike was a big ‘mo and according to this art historian, his masterpiece The Last Judgement had tons of gay sex goin’ on in it. So we took a closer look at some of the painting’s gayer images and found that yes, she’s pretty much right.

Painted between 1537 and 1541, it is a depiction of the Second Coming of Christ and the Apocalypse, with human souls either rising to Heaven or descending to Hell, according to Christ’s judgment.

Gurl, Jesus can be so judgmental sometimes. Christ, you’d think he was the Son of God or something… anyways:

“One of the damned is dragged down to Hell by his testicles, and amongst those who are blessed there are kisses and embraces, undoubtedly homosexual in nature,” said Miss Lazzarini [the art historian]… Michelangelo’s explicit depiction of naked male bodies caused outrage in the Roman Catholic Church when the fresco was unveiled, with the artist accused of indecency and obscenity.

Biagio da Cesena, the papal master of ceremonies, said the fresco was more suited to “public baths and taverns” than to a place of worship. After the Council of Trent condemned nudity in religious art in the mid-16th century, the artist Daniele da Volterra was commissioned to paint over the offending genitalia and earned the nickname “Il Braghettone” (“the breeches-painter”).

Well, we’re certainly not offended by the site of naked men here! In fact, anyone who’s ever been to a bathhouse knows that with the right guy, it can be a religious experience. But just think, the Pope has this gay sexy painting all to himself (well, and the bazillions of international visitors who stop by on an almost daily basis). Of course, the Pope’s got a penchant for dresses and shoes, so maybe she appreciates Mike’s handiwork as much as we do!