Queerying: Conner Habib

Yes, porn stud Conner Habib has a charming gleam in his eye and a body that is well-suited for his wonderfully torrid sexual desires he shares with us in front of the camera.
But after talking to him, I quickly realized it’s not just Conner’s physical attributes that making him alluring, it’s his refreshing outlook on the world, sexuality and the lines we all draw about privacy, secrecy and how we project ourselves openly to the world. And that’s the thing about Conner: he’s not the trashy, ditzy, tragic mess we sometimes just assume guys in porn are.
There’s a certain peace about him. Maybe it’s from his devotion to meditation or from his academic background, but having an interview with him soon feels like a conversation you might have with an old friend. He’s smart, he’s funny and a guy who’s got observations about being in porn that might just reflect into our own daily lives and how we go about them. If we’d ever been smitten by a guy who’s a total package—good looks, a cute butt and a mind that will keep us true—Conner Habib may be our new favorite guy in porn.

And we couldn’t be happier for him as he was nominated this year for a GAYVN award, as Best Newcomer. (We try to stay unbiased around here, but we’re totally planning on giving you a big ol’ bear hug if you win, Conner.)

QC
Hi Conner! Okay, first off… I’ve gotta say, congratulations on your nomination as Best Newcomer for the upcoming GAYVN Awards in September. How did the news of the nomination hit you?
Conner

I’m really excited about it! Of course some of the excitement is for validation. I work really hard—keeping in shape, eating right, making calls for gigs etc (I wrote about the craziness of being a porn star on my blog). But I’m also excited that a non-exclusive, non-gigantically buff, vegetarian smartass can be nominated for a GAYVN. If there’s a message in there anywhere (and maybe there isn’t) it’s a nice message. Also, I have a really sexy date planned, and I’m happy to be in a room with a bunch of good-looking, good-hearted people.
QC
I can’t wait to see you at the show! So beyond the awards, how the hell are you?!
Conner

I’m great! Does anyone say, “I’m actually feeling like shit these days” when you ask them this?
QC

I wish they would! “Ahhh, man, fuck off… I feel like crap.” I guess people ask this not really caring about the answer. It’s funny how we say things and don’t even realize what we’re asking. I’d imagine you must have all sorts of experiences with nervous fans who have all sorts of preconceived notions. Does that ever get tiresome?
Conner

People get a little silly, but I enjoy that I’ve had those moments myself. I bumped into former Hot House model Enzo Grimaldi when I was in London and I was like huh-huh-huh-huh-hello. And don’t get me started on when I saw Zak Spears at the Faultline in L.A.. So, I’m completely flattered by it. It’s a really special moment when you meet someone who’s made his or her way into your imagination.
QC

That’s a good perspective on it. I think we forget that guys in porn would also fantasize about other guys in porn as well. Do you think there are many misconceptions about what the real lives of “porn stars” are like?
Conner

Of course! Mostly because there’s no “typical porn star life”. We’re all so different.

QC
You seem pretty darn upfront and honest and don’t try to stay too mysterious or create a certain persona between on and off camera? Is that true? Is that a battle you face, where to define that line between what you share publicly and what you choose to keep private?
Conner

I try to be myself as much as possible, but no one can pull that off entirely. Sometimes we smile when we’re upset or have conversations when we’d rather be alone. Everybody’s like that. That being said, I do think it’s important to be true to yourself and notice when you’re not and question why. But I don’t hold back my personality for the sake of privacy. Instead, I think there are some things that are appropriately and naturally private.


Nothing, on the other hand, is naturally secret. I think people confuse privacy and secrecy a lot. Privacy is something that feels clean and happy when you keep it inside or between two people. It’s something no one can take away from you. It’s your thinking and your integrity and how you make your decisions every day. Or it could be the smile you shared in the morning with your lover next to you in bed or how you feel about him or her in your heart. Everything that happens within our hearts and souls is private.
Secrecy, is what you think you’d prefer to be hidden, because it’s not hidden naturally. Generally, it involves something you did or something involving the material world. The naked body, the things you did at a party last Saturday night, the way you made fun of someone—those are all secrets. I think that most things people are trying to keep secret are things that they actually desperately want to tell others.


There’s a good exercise for this that I borrow from spiritual teacher Byron Katie: Think of your partner or your mom or your best friend. Say to yourself, “The thing I never want you to find out is…” Then turn it around and say, “The thing I most want to tell you is…” You may find that you’re actually dying to show the other person the very thing you think needs to be hidden. It’s the keeping it in that feels terrible; the keeping it in is the real problem.


I think porn has taught me that bodies are a part of this cult of secrecy—I don’t think that bodies are private. They’re bodies, they’re made out of material. We can try to keep them a secret, but everybody has one. What’s the deal with being so afraid to show it? The pain comes when we think we have to hide them.


One of my heroes, Amber Hollibaugh once said, “Wherever you have a secret, that is where you are vulnerable.” When I heard her say that, I really took it to heart. I started talking about all the things I thought I had to hide. When I released them, they couldn’t hurt me anymore. There was nothing to find out or reveal because I’d said it all. That doesn’t mean I was proud of all of it, but I did feel proud to be strong enough to confess all of it so I could examine it.


I have private, intimate moments with someone I love or a close friend or in my thoughts. If someone asks me about those times, I may want to keep it to myself because I love the way it feels to have that to myself or to share it with only one other person. But if it comes out, it comes out, no big deal.

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