Ask QC: I’m in Love with a Guy Who is a Bit of a Mess

Dear Ask QC,
Two years ago I met an incredible guy. I was working one night at a gay nightclub and at the end of the night I went upstairs to leave as my shift was finished. He was working the whole night upstairs so we didn’t even see each other (it was both of our first nights). When I saw this sexy blond haired, strikingly blue eyes guy I immediate went to him and said, “Where have you been all my life?” He replied, “Right here, papa bear!” and we immediately started kissing and hugging.

We left that night with each other and went back to my place with a few other co-workers. But, then I noticed that he was a little too feminine and I went to bed leaving him with everyone in the living chatting and drinking. We saw each other a few times afterwards and each time, we would start kissing and and go back to my place but he always rather talk and drink with my co-workers (one which was my roommate).

About two months later, he told me he just found out the week before that he was HIV+. He cried as I held him close to me in my bed. I have been with him now as friends for the past year and a half, and I find my attraction to him growing more and more everyday. I asked him if he still likes me and he said that I am not his type, but when he and i get drunk together he does kiss me and we’ve even fucked around 4 times (2 of which he claims to not remember). I know that being HIV+ is a heavy deal for him. He lost his job, his apartment, and even got arrested one drunken night (for grabbing a police officer) but I have been there to help through it all.

It has now been a year and half, and he is coming around to having a better grip on things. He has finally made an appointment to get on medications, he is looking for a job (though he still feels physically tired all the time which he says he knows is the hiv), and he is going to move in with me in a new studio apartment I found. I’m wondering if this is a smart move for me. I love him so much, and I crave for him to love me back even more. I sometimes jerk off at night when I hear his light snoring next to me. Am I a total pervert? Should I just be happy with his friendship? How can I set myself apart from this feelings when he and I will be living together in such close quarters?

Thanks,

Papa Bear

Hi Papa Bear. Thanks for your question and concerns. Negotiating the boundaries of your relationship to someone is one of the trickiest things, especially when you live in such close quarters. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give? Should this reader hold out hope that his friend will get his act together? Or should he just put as much distance between them as possible and try to get over him? If you can help Papa Bear in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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