QC OlymPICS: Phelps is REAL(LY HOT)!

The impressive Beijing Olympic opening ceremonies not only rested on a $300 million budget, but also on a bedrock of deception. The two scandals that hatched prematurely from the Bird’s Nest of course are:
1) In a soul-deadening revelation that rocked the world, it turns out the little girl who sang the patriotic Chinese anthem Hymn to the Motherland was not ultra-cute 9-year-old anime character Lin Miaoke with her lovable pigtails, dumpling cheeks, and straight teeth, but less-marketable-because-androgynous-and-buck-toothed 7-year-old media reject, Yang Peiyi who proudly, sadly, self-sacrificingly said, “I am proud to have been chosen to sing at all.”
2) Then, if to add garlic salt to the jagged lacerations of mistrust already torn so deeply ripped into our psyche, Chinese officials later admitted that the giant firework footprints marching across Beijing towards the stadium on Friday night were not the large, celestial footsteps of the invisible Buddha, but merely prerecorded, digitally-enhanced footage inserted into footage beamed across the world.
And now, a sad third story when Becca Ward of the U.S. Women’s Fencing Team was discovered by the International Olympic Committee not be a female athlete, but a cybernetic humanoid robot sent back in time from the future to win a bronze medal in Women’s Fencing. Is nothing sacred?
Thankfully, some things are still real— real hot!—like Michael Phelps, the golden boy of swimming.
Yes, you may be tired of all the hype surrounding Mr. Phelps, but you can always turn down the volume and just look at the lanky, handsome legend of a boy-man. He is like a refreshingly truthful beacon of a hope-kissed sunlit pearl wonder amdist a world saturated in tear-drenched self-delusion.
The 23-year-old Phelps recently won his 10th and 11th gold medals, the most ever won by any Olympian and is set to break the record of most gold medals ever won by a single Olympian at an Olympics if he wins 3 more races. In five days, he has won five races and set five world records. He’s broken 30 world records since he was 15.
Michael Phelps, a shining example of truth, beauty, and hotness in these bleak, psychotically dishonest shoe salesman times.
Oh, and if you can’t get enough swimmer’s bodies, play guess the Olympian’s abs.