Simon Dexter Is Available For “Private Meetings”, Pubic Hair Sales
When Simon Dexter left porn (he was that popular model on that popular site) to pursue a “legitimate” modeling career, our big brown eyes shed a collective coffee-colored tear. We worried that we’d never again see his sexy ass in action. But perhaps the porn gods heard our lament, because this weekend porn promoter David Forest alerted us that Simon Dexter is available for “private meetings”!
Private meetings?! Like board room meetings?! That’s awesome!!! Usually private meetings are so boring. But with Simon Dexter presenting a talk, our attention spans would elongate by at least 6 or 7 inches, er, we mean, hours. And we bet he makes a mean PowerPoint presentation. We thought that the new Simon Dexter was all business and no play—that is, until we saw that Forest’s e-mail included the following picture:
So, let us get this right: Simon’s decided to curtail his gay XXX work, yet he’s still showing his fat uncut cock in business e-mails? Don’t get us wrong… our work inboxes were stuffed with dicks even before we started working for QC. But if Simon’s fat hog is also attending the meeting, then it’s probably gonna be less about spreadsheets and more about cum sprays.
Simon would certainly put the MEAT back in meetings. But what is Simon Dexter qualified talk about other than modeling, appendicitis, and taking cocks? There probably won’t be a lot of strategic planning so much as grunting and posing. Fine by us. But is Dex really for sale? Wouldn’t being a prostitute conflict with his modeling obligations?
We’re not sure what goes on in these meetings exactly. But the following endorsement from “Robert” one of Simon’s satisfied johns customers may hold a clue.
Editable? Does that mean Simon will change his rehearsed lines if they don’t sound right? Instead of saying “Suck me, yeah! yeah!” perhaps we could edit him and run through it again, this time adding something a bit more Stryker-esque like, “Yeah, you want that big dick, don’t cha?”
Or maybe “editable” means he’s programmable, like a robot from Blade Runner! That would explain his ridiculous good looks. Maybe Simon’s running Windows 7! Cool. Installing hardware has never been so easy. And where’s his USB port? We have a thumb drive we’d like to insert.
And then there’s Robert’s weird line about wanting to buy Simon’s pubic hair. Uhh… call us cheap, but if you’re paying for pubic hair, you’re probably paying too much. But we’ll let you decide, dear readers. Tell us in the comments whose pubic hair you’d purchase. On second thought, maybe we would buy Simon’s pubes…
EDITOR’S NOTE: At the request of Simon Dexter’s former porn studio, we’ve removed all references to them.
