A Sad Brett Favre And Dead Mickey Mantle Really Want To Show You Their Penises

Former New York Jets football player Brett Favre (who just turned 41 yesterday) offered a teary apology to his Minnesota Viking teammates today for sending blurry pics of his half-erect cock to Jenn Sterger, a former Florida State University cheerleader turned in-house reporter for The Jets. Here’s how it went down:

Favre’s time in Green Bay is littered with stories about his boozing and carousing. But gray-haired Favre? Oh yeah, she said. Sterger said that Favre first began to call her early in the season and leave strange, friendly messages on her voicemail. She played me one of these voicemails over the phone. It was Brett turning on the Mississippi simpleton charm on his way to practice giving Jenn a friendly good ol’ boy hello to a pretty lady. It was odd, but nothing incriminating. Then the phone calls from Brett started to turn weird.

Sterger claimed she spurned Favre’s advances because he was married, but also because she was working for the Jets at the time she didn’t think it was the best idea to start a torrid affair with the team’s highest profile player (the Jets have not responded to a question about any knowledge of the Favre/Sterger saga at this time). Plus, if she went forward with how aggressive he was and how skeeved out she was to some of her superiors, she suspected she might lose her job. The interactions were flirty and strange but she didn’t think there wasn’t anything that made her too uncomfortable. But then, one night, Sterger received a picture on her phone which was so shocking that she just tossed it across the room. It was his dick. Brett Favre’s dick. And it happened multiple times. In fact, Sterger claims that, in one of the photos Favre allegedly sent her, he’s masturbating — while wearing a pair of Crocs. In another photo, Favre is holding his penis while wearing the wristwatch he wore during his first teary-eyed retirement press conference.

Favre has a reputation for boozing, carousing, and texting his genitals to women despite being married. But we didn’t know whether those pics belonged to his prick until today when he went all Weepy McBlubber. But in other sporno news, according to the New York Post Sam Wagner the founder of HotPrisonPals.com “posted a black-and-white photo of a man he [Wagner] claims is Mickey Mantle—in the prime of his Hall of Fame career with the Yankees—standing in front of his locker fully, frontally naked.” Is it real? Decide for yourself:

We’re calling “shenanigans” on this one because of the questionable lighting and manscaping (did guys even shave their pubes back then?). But we’ll tell you what’s not fake: Joe DiMaggio’s penis. And he didn’t cry about it when it hit the innerwebs either, though that was probably because he was dead. The fact that you’re looking at it now makes you a bit of a necrophiliac… pervert.
As usual, if you’re scoping for celebrity peen, check out Cinemale, Male Celebrities, and The Bulge Report!