Ask QC: Am I Obsessed with Sex?

Dear Ask QC,

I’m an 18 year-old gay virgin and I’m really struggling with how to navigate the dating scene safely.

I have a really strong interest in sex, but I’m terrified of the risks associated with the gay club and bar scene, especially when it comes to drugs and STDs. As a result, I’ve only been using dating apps anonymously so far. And meet ups have just been mutual masturbation, which is great but I want more and to go further.

The thing is, I think about sex a lot… a real lot.. like all the time (day and night) and I’m worried this might mean I have an addiction or an abnormally high sex drive. Is it normal to be this preoccupied with sex at my age?

I really want to find a life partner, but I’m not sure how to do that safely without putting myself at risk. I prefer older guys than myself, 30+ but they don’t seem to be interested in me when I tell them my age and experience.

How can I meet other gay men and potentially find a long term relationship while staying safe? And how do I know if my interest in sex is healthy or if it’s becoming a problem?

Sorry I have so many questions, they keep spiraling in my head… I’d really appreciate any advice you can offer.

Thanks

Austin

Hi Austin and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. All of your questions are valid and there can never be too many when it comes to learning about new life experiences. You’re right to be cautious about taking risks and while some clubs, bars and festivals may be associated with drugs or promiscuity that doesn’t mean you have to be involved in that too. Have you tried contacting a local LGBTQ+ center in your area? And other common interest groups are a good place to meet new friends outside of the gay community too. And to reassure you, at 18, yes its totally normal to be thinking of sex 24/7, your hormones are raging so that physiology will also affect your pysche too. It will pass, but may take some months (even years) but if you try not to worry or focus on it then you should be able to manage it and get through. Physical exercise and sports may help with controlling your sexual energy, but it’s different for all of us so you may have to experiment and try a few things (jogging, meditation, etc). If you really think it is becoming obsessive or out of control we would suggest you contact a sexual health professional to discuss this further.

So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Austin? Many of us may have experienced this, how did you handle it and overcome these issues? Please share your thoughts, advice and own experiences in the QComments section below!

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!