QueerClick

You better say nothing, she'll find out by herself.

J - This situation isn't about you and your brother in law, it's about your sister. Turn the tables and you'll have your answer -- If your boyfriend were trying to sleep with your sister, wouldn't you want to know? Good Luck!

In the long run, she'd be angrier at you for keeping this information from her. It seems like it is only a matter of time before he is unfaithful and then your sister could be unwittingly exposed to potential STD's, some of which as we all know can be permanent. In the short term it may feel horrible to tell her this news, but she will be grateful down the road after she either gets her marriage back on track through counseling or dumps this guy's ass and gets a man who is more faithful about his wedding vows.

It's inevitable that someone is going to get hurt in this situation, and if your brother in law is so willing to jeopardise his relationship, then the only one you should concern yourself with, is the one with your sister.

You need to talk to her, and depending on your relationship, she may not believe you, or may not want to believe you, but don't let her push you away, and no matter how tough a cookie she is, she's going to need you.

It's a powerful thing to have someone interested in you, but resist the temptation, if there's really something between you, wait until their marriage is over, and deal with the repruccisions of getting together then.

Only you know your sister, and whether it's the right thing to talk to them together calmly, accuse him in front of her, or just talk to her you alone, it could be that your brother in law is willing to tell her.

A word of warning, don't tip your hand, and give him the opportunity to tell your sister that you've been coming onto him, it's really dramatic, but maybe arrange for your sister to overhear you talking.

Maybe they married for the wrong reasons, if he's interested in guys, is your sister willing to accept that, does he want to be with a woman, do
they want to have an open marriage, do they still even want to be married?

Someone's going to get hurt, that's unnavoidable, but it'll be better for you all in the long run, don't bury your head in the sand, get this out in the open as soon as possible, and in the way that feels right to you.

If I were in your shoes I would make things crystal clear to your bro-in-law. Tell him that nothing can ever happen between you out of respect for your sister. He sees you as a way to experiment safely. But its potential disaster for all concerned. I'm married and bi, so I know what it's like to be curious. You can discourage him from seeking out other guys, but he will probably do it anyway. Find a way to make sure he knows what safe sex really is so that he doesn't bring anything home. Us married guys are so stupid.
I agree with Henry...say nothing to your sister; it's not your place.

I agree, I know I'd want my sister/brother to tell me if my partner was hitting on them and tried to get down my pants. Also, I would feel hurt that my sibling wouldn't tell me this and let my partner continue to backstab me.

A point to also show, if he's sleeping around with other people while drunk, he could be forgetting to use a condom, and you don't want your sister to contract some horrible STD.

In other words, take her out to dinner and tell her.

i say you screw him and see what happens.

What you need to do is have him over, fuck him (make sure you videotape it) and then tell your sister about it the next day. Without the video she will never believe it and if you are attracte to him, you might as well fuck him while you have the chance.

Don't tell anyone. Give people the chance to figure out their problems, but avoid him, because this is a snake pit, as all situations are where inappropriate sex is involved. That is what the guy want and you fantasize about. At the end the balance of your feelings will be negative

It's been said but here's my take: Your BIL has ALREADY wrecked your relationship with your sister. Telling her what's going on must be done, despite the further strain it will place on your relationship. But don't forget, it was HIM that put you in this situation, nothing you do or say is at fault or to blame for any further consequences.

It's quite possbile the guy's actually gay and was forced to accept a "normal" relationship by societal pressure. That's not fair to him or your sister, and has obviously ensnared you in an unfair situation too. Looking the other way is ONE option, but it can never to lead to any resolution of the problem.

you really must tell your sister and ASAP--you owe your brother in law NOTHING.

Damn this is a hard one. I am shocked by your courage to ask us for our advice. I would not tell my sister. Telling her accomplishes very little other then hurt feelings all around. No matter how obvious his flirting seems to you, it is possible that it could be innocent. As for sleeping with the guy. I would not do that to my family. Anybody else is fair game. In the end I would keep in mind how lucky you are to have a family that accepts you and loves you for who you are. It also may be possible to give your sister the information she needs to see the situation for herself.

Tell your brother-in-law that he has three days to tell your sister, or you will.

Tell him to never go there again with you or anyone else, because if you find out you'll wreck his world for screwing over your sister. If he wants to mess around, he should leave your sister so she can get on with something else. As other writers have pointed out, if he's a fool-around drunk, he's bound to bring home and STD, or five.

I don't give a damn how attracted to him you are, NEVER FUCK YOUR SISTER'S HUSBAND, unless you hate her guts and want to end up on Jerry Springer. It will never go away and you'll regret it later (maybe sooner). It could end up fucking your entire family. Don't be foolish enough to let it happen.

One thing that comes to mind is that whoever tells her first (either you or her husband), she's more likely to believe that story. If her husband tells her you've been coming on to him and you don't say anything, she's more likely to accept his story over yours. I wouldn't expect that to happen, given his obvious desire to get your ankles in the air. But if he becomes frustrated at you turning down his advances, he might see it as a way of getting back at you for that. Also, if he's not getting it from you, he's going to eventually seek out gay sex elsewhere.

You really need to talk to your sister, privately, about your concerns. As for the best way to do that - only you can decide.

I don't think banging your brother-in-law is going to do anything but make you feel even more conflicted. You're right to be concerned for your sister. This is primarily a lousy situation for you to be in, torn between loyalty to family and loyalty to libido...but I think you'll make the decision thats true to yourself. Have you discussed this with your boyfriend yet? I think I'd discuss the weirdness with the in-law directly before I approached your sister, unless you don't think he can be reasoned with. I hope everything resolves itself favorably.

G

Hm. I would try talking to your sister's boyfriend first. Tell him why it's unfair of him to ask you such a thing. If he's rational enough to realize why it's wrong, then there's really nothing else to worry about. But if he responds to it negatively or he shows signs of disregaurd for his and your sister's relationship by letting his curiosity to sleep with men overtake his life, then you should tell him that you will talk to your sister about it as well. Don't threaten him, just explain to him logically and rationally why you would have to do that. You don't want to see your sister hurt afterall, because if you don't sleep with him, he'll probably find it in some other guy. So there you go, just be calm and rational about it, try to understand where everyone's coming from, and there's no reason to manuever around people, just be honest. White lies are an excuse though.

Anyway, as a side note, that's completely hot. If I was in your situation and I didn't care about my sister I'd sleep with him asap. That's like every other gay guy's fantasy, lol. Well, not the sister part, but you know what I mean.

Tell your sister.

I was once in the same situation and belive me you will be better off for telling your sister. I innitiated the conversation by telling her that I love her and that I never want to hurt her or anyone else for that matter but that I had been put into an uncompromising situation by her husband that would potentially hurt her and their children. Naturally she was upset but not completely shocked as she watched her hubby eye me over many times in their 15 year marriage. She thought it was just curiosity or perhaps prejudice but as it turned out he had cheated on her with men most of their married life. If your brother-in-law has come onto you this strongly and on more than one occasion I'm pretty certain to say that he has already done the deed with other men! He's way too confident to not be getting away with something already. My sister and I have always had a special bond and we are closer than ever today. Best of Luck to you.

You need to tell your sister.Family bonds are stronger than boyfriends and lover. If he's trying this on you, who's to say he hasn't really done this before and just playing dumb with you to get you in bed. if it was me and my man was hitting on my sis I would want to hear it from her than a stranger, especially if she knew and didn't tell me.

Blood is thicker than water. Have a heart to heart with your sister. He may be cute, but she is family. She should know. What if he contracts an STD?

Now if this were a cousin... :-)

Tom

You have to tell your sister, if you love her. Who knows what he could be doing with other guys or girls for that matter. You dont let someone treat your sister this way.

First, DON'T HAVE SEX WITH YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW!!!!!! No matter how badly you want it, it will just destroy your relationship with your sister. Maybe, in time to come, if his marriage ends, you might entertain the possibility, but for now, you really don't want to be "the other man." I think you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your brother-in-law. It sounds like you are all already quite close, so have an honest conversation with him and just let him know that you're being put in a very uncomfortable situation and under no circumstances would you ever consider doing anything that would hurt your sister.

Secondly, he could either bi-curious or quite sexually confused. Your brother-in-law obviously trusts you and is reaching out to you in confidence, so offer him your emotional support -- as a brother-in-law that happens to be gay. Maybe you could recommend that he seek counseling on this? Refer him to a neighborhood LGBT center? At the very least, make sure he knows the rules of safe sex (lots of "straight" guys are totally clueless about it).

Then, stay out of it. I think it's premature to rush over to tell your sister anything, especially since nothing has actually happened, and nothing may ever happen. You don't want to be responsible for ruining what might otherwise be a perfectly good marriage. Give your brother-in-law time to sorted out his feelings and his sexuality. Things will eventually sort themselves out, for better or for worse, but at least it won't be your fault.

(My only exception to this advice is if you know for a fact that he's fooling around with other men and is potentially endangering your sister's health.)

Don't say anything until you have more information. Right now you don't know anything for certain. IF you find out from him that he is having or had sex outside of his marriage with a woman or man, then you can say something.
His flirting with you and touching you is obviously making you uncomfortable, and is "wrong." Tell him to STOP. The flirtations, far less sex with him, will negatively affect your relationships -- with him, your sister and family, and your partner.
IF your partner is unaware of what is happening, then use your best judgment to tell him or not. Not everyone can "deal" with things like that sensibly.

Talk to brother-in-law first and have him going on talk to your sister..Just between sister and her husband get confess as much as communicate in the between of you.The guy make a big mistake because he is behind his sister's back.It is going to be destory between two in few months.

Well, I think this is mostly fantasy but if it's really true, give it up to him dude! You'll be so good he'll drop your sis and run to your arms. Heck, only problem is, you'll run out of DVD's for him to borrow. Since you're in an open relationship, maybe your sis should consider it. Then, you and your sis could fight over his time. Gives a whole new meaning to "family affair."

After all these comments, I don't know if you will read mine, anyways, get your sister out for a lunch coffee or dinner or whatever, and protent just a quick catchup or whatever, then maybe make out it's someone from work and their husband or whatever was hitting on you when you were in a club, and see what's her reaction......

I guess you were right, he might have done it other people, but it's your sister you need to concern about, what kind of person she is? How do you think she will take it?

This had happened to me once with my best friend's boyfriend (now husband), so I know how you feel.

Last @NYC, how retarded, what can sleep with him achieve? Losing a sister?

Well, your sister is your sister, So, give your brother-in-law. Ultimatim tell him to have some way to tell her he sexually wants men. Maybe she already knows he's bi-sexual. You never know just don't let him get his pecker in you. For your sister sake. You love your brother sister, whatever case maybe. Just don't give him the oportunity to get you. For the love of your own sister. Of course you do you wouldn't be writing to this website. So it shows the love you have for your sister already!!!!!!!

BiL sex is out of the question. You would be cheating on your sister's trust in you. That might never be repaired.

Telling your sister is the best thing to do IF she is willing to listen to you, and you strive to point out that you didn't do anything to encourage him. Suggest counseling and even ask if she would be open to him exploring male/male sex; some wives are. If you know she is insanely jealous or liable to fly off the handle and deny it's possible, then don't say anything. You have done nothing wrong; it's the BiL that might be. Remember, he said he wanted to see what it was like, so chances are he hasn't been doing this all over town or anything.

Talk with the BiL and explain why you can't get involved with him. Also hammer home that it is completely unethical and unacceptable for him to do this while married to your sister or any other woman. He may not even see it as adultery, although it obviously is. Ask him which is more important, his libido or his marriage. Then allow him to make his own choice.

My one sister's first husband put in a bi sex film after my brother left our little party and jacked off on the next couch, making it very clear anything went. I resisted.

My other sister's first fiancee and I got drunk and did it in an alley.

Have I told either? No. Is there anything wrong with our lives and relationships? Not one thing. Your sister has to know her husband is sleeping around even if she doesn't know it's both genders. When she's had enough she'll leave. Why make yourself an integral part of the ugliness? Just stay quiet, keep a sharp eye on the asshole, and be there when your sister needs you. What can you say anyways? That he made some jokes you don't think were really jokes? That's how he'll defend it and sisters do usually choose husbands over family.

I know you're avoiding him. But tell him to come clean to your sister otherwise you'll have to do it for him.

OK. Suck him and let him fuck you. Then tell your sister all about it and that you thought he was kidding at first until it was to late to turn back without him thinking you were the "tease". We all know we dont want to be called a tease. If she really loves you she will understand, if not she will keep her annoying closeted boyfriends away from you in the future.

I'd make FREDDIEHONEY'S words mine. I'm just emphasizing 'cause it seems to be the most reasonable thing to do!

No, he's not sexually confused. When is anyone ever sexually confused? People only throw out that term becasue of societal conflicts and pressures but I'm pretty sure everyone growing up was aware of their orientation. He's obviously just gonna end up in yours or someone else's pants (if he hasn't already). The best way to tackle this problem is by telling her first. Who knows, you might get lucky and find out she was already suspecting this. But if you decide to talk to him, he could see your motives, or future actions and beat you to telling her. And if he embellishes the story, this could end up so badly for you, ruining in your relationship with your lover, him (so you can forget about this fantasy) and more importantly her.

Talk to your brother -in-law first.His well being is a concern also. Is he bisexual? Maybe gay? Has he had safe/unsafe sex with other guys? Has he spoken to anyone about it? Does your sister know he may be bisexual? Respect both parties, even though your brother in laws actions were innapropriate with you-then tell your sister. I hope they do love each other and can continue if that is right for them. Bisexuality is normal and need not be a marital hindrance/destroyer.

eh. fuck him.

You need to trust your sister is a mature woman capable to handle her husband. Wives tend to have an intuition about their husbands. Realize, the relationship needs to take its course.

If you'd wish, talk with your sister, present this in a round about way - no names and such ... ask her about this type of a scenario and what should I(you) do... if she states that you should tell that persons spouse about this flirtation, then follow through with telling her it's really about her husband. IF she states that you should keep to yourself then respect her opinion keep this information to yourself.

Either way...

You still need to tell you brother in law that you don't feel comfortable when he is inappropriate with you.

State to your brother in-law that, although your flattered by the interest, someone is going to be hurt by this situation and you don't wish to follow through with this. BE RESPECTFUL BUT FIRM!

You need to let your sister know about your brother-in-law. First of all if he is creepin around and being with guys and lets just say he in having unprotected sex with them that is going to but your sister in danger. I mean hello...this is what you call being on the Down Low!! Don't even think about giving up your goods to him. You got yourself a man already. Also this is your sister husband too! Humm...I would pass on that.

TELL YOUR SISTER!! Family comes first. Always.
He's not blood-relation, he's expendable, especially since he's acting in a way that will hurt your sister.
Tell her and get him the fuck out of the picture. Your family deserves better.

Ultimately, honesty is usually thebest curse of action, but sometimes it hurts. Even if you tell her, she may not believe you. But no matter what )and this is just my opinion, I suppose) DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Then you will be the that your sister's husband cheated with, and your sister might not, and maybe souldn't, forgive you for that. And you should probably discuss this with your boyfriend. You may be in an open relationship, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have an opinion. Be careful how you tell your sister, and you should tell her, she deserves to know. Yet don't victimize your brother-in-law. He may just be confused, or going through something, him coming onto you doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. It really is for your sister to decide, but in order to decide she has to know.

Talk to him 1st. Make it crystal clear that its not ok and you are uncomfortable with this. However, keep in mind he is your family now too, even though he's wrong and doesn't share your DNA. He may need help, advice, or your support.

Also, be aware she may not believe you and he could possibly convince her you tried to seduce him. You really don't have any proof anyway.

It would be irresponsible to rush in & harm their marriage just so you can try to be the hero. Their bond in marriage is just as important as your biological bond. He needs to discuss this with his wife, cause they have to set the rules for their own union, opened; closed; bisexual; divorced; whatever. This may not be a deal breaker for them.

I wouldn't tell her, but i would gauge her reaction to it somehow, like a hypothetical situation or simply stating you suspect he may be into men without going into specifics. You'll make the best decision if you know more details about their marriage. They may already have an open relationship and she may know he's interested in men.

Whatever you do, just remember that while we have a duty to protect the ones we love, sometimes we have to stand aside and let them make their own mistakes.