Get Your Game On With “The Joydick”

As if dorky gamers needed another reason to stay inside their parent’s basement and masturbate—now there’s The Joydick! Now you can play all those great Atari games(?) that you still own(?) using your dick as a controller. Change the direction of your on-screen character by jerking your wonger around. Fire off round after round by stroking your poker. Ruin hours of enjoyable gameplay by rubbing your cock raw for an all-time high score on an outdated, two-bit gaming system… fun!
And what’s even better is that you can’t just pick one up at an adult novelty store, no siree! You have to build the damned thing yourself. Looking at the easy-to-follow directions, it only requires a PhD in Electrical Engineering. It may take some work, but you’ll end up with an electronic pimp ring and your own cum-encrusted console. Call us lazy, but we think we’ll stick to our classic non-electronic spank classics like “Stickball,” “Donut Glazer,” and “Escape From Michigan.”