Ask QC: Are Asians Anyone’s Cup Of Tea?

Ask QC: How Do I Start An Open Relationship?

So, I had taken myself completely out of the dating scene for over a year after a very ill-advised relationship as well as some memorable long-term ones. I felt I needed to really grow up and get to know me as ‘Me’ before I became a “We.”

Anyway, after years of fighting against it and peer pressure, I thought it was time I tried my hand at online dating. Seemed like a logical answer to my dry spell. After 1 month, no hits. I figured, these things take time and I should be really patient. After 2 months, I got a bit anxious and thought, “Hmmm? Guess my profile isn’t juicy enough”. So, I had a bunch of friends critique my profile to see if there was any improvement I needed. Done.

After about the third month after I finally got a couple of hits, I decided to really read a few of the profiles from guys I thought I’d be interested in (and some I wouldn’t be interested in). I had finally discovered what was the problem. Under, “Your type should be”… the answer was staring me in the face…..”sorry, not into Asians….” or “Caucasian, Hispanic, Black.”

After reading through a bunch of profiles, I was completely offended and a bit hurt. I know on some level people didn’t feel that Asians weren’t their type. I mean, I had non-Asian friends tell me to my face that Asians weren’t their type. I figured, well everyone has a type and why should I be angry?

However, after all of this, I’m starting to feel like perhaps I may never date again because my race isn’t considered ‘marketable’. The worse part is, my own kind (not all, but some) won’t even date me.

I’ve had several boyfriends some white, some Hispanic, even a few Asians thrown in the mix. The older I get though, I crave what everyone wants—a partner.

I’m finally in a place where I really know who I am and like myself. I can’t change my ethnicity nor would I want to. I live in Toronto, a city that prides itself on being mutli-cultural.

I guess my question is, how am I supposed to find someone if I’m basically considered a leper in my own community? Should I consider this an indication of everyone’s attitude towards me and just accept that my life will probably be spent in solitude?

Thanks in advance,

Proud2BAsian

Online dating can be tough on your self-esteem but Proud2BAsian raises a valid point: how can you personally connect with someone when so many guys seem hung up on race? Is there another way Proud2BAsian can go find a mate? How can continue feeling proud while increasing his chances of finding someone who’ll appreciate his uniqueness? Please share any advice and experiences that might help in the comments section.
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Aug 13, 2009 By paperbagwriter 44 Comments