Erik Rhodes May Blow His Brains Out

Erik Rhodes May Blow His Brains Out
We were gonna save this for the Porn Gossip Round-Up, but Erik Rhodes may not be around too much longer, so we thought we’d post it separately. Upon his most recent visit to the doctor, Erik Rhodes “spilled his guts” though stopped short of admitting that he’s actually porn star (though we hope his doc already knows):

I said, “if you can imagine the biggest scumbag you have encountered in your life, and put my face on his… that is basically the life i have led, and if i look alittle to well put togther to make that imagine in your head, hold water… just assume that i clean up well when i need to.”
I found it funny how many times he asked me, if i owned a gun. Is there a gun in the house i live in? was i sure? I think i made myself sound crazy when the only thing i replied was “trust me, if there was a gun in my house i, sure as shit wouldn’t be here looking for help, because i would have all the help i needed at home”.

Ha Ha?

No?

If Erik’s gonna blow anything out, we’d rather it was another load from Matthew Green and not his brains. As a spokesperson against global warming and an Ultimate Falcon icon who recently got fisted by Francois Sagat, we’d be mega-sad if he died. What’s wrong, Erik? We visited his blog to get a clue and ended up finding some disturbing hints in his MP3 playlist. Just check out these song titles:

“Stop Crying Your Heart Out”, “Valium”, “Gone Away”, “Smother Me”, “Heartless”, “I Can Feel Your Pain”, “Coma Black”, “That’s What I Get”, “Fuck You Lucy”, “The Noise Inside My Head”, “I Don’t Care”, “Never Win”, “Something Is Not Right With Me”, “Repetition Kills”, “Maybe I’m Just Tired”, “Blame It On Bad Luck”, “Too Bright To See To Loud To Hear”, “Reasons For Living”, “Teardrop”, “The Girl You Left To Cocaine”, “I’ve Been Dying To Reach You”, “Red Hands”, “Bad News”, and “Fake Plastic Trees.”

His playlist’s filled with the dark-synth and melancholy tunes we listened to as faux-goths in high school. It was a time when we wrote poetry filled with ravens and swear words. How many hours we spent crying on our black velvet sheets. One time we even tried to OD on Immodium-AD—not happy times; so we’re concerned.
Though we are happy to see his fans offering encouraging comments on his post. But do we need to send him a care package full of warm fuzzies to help cheer him up? We’re not being sarcastic—Editor D makes some kickass Snickerdoodles. But Erik’s definitely looking to the future. After explaining how he ended his awkward meeting with his doc, he mentioned one option for changing his mood:

I ended our bullshit meeting in the search of a handful of perscriptions… he wasn’t that dumb. So now, i’m basically sitting here considering the whole, self medicating route, god, i could use a drink, its been almost a full year since i have had alcohol control me… i guess i’m just getting to the point of not caring at all anymore…

EDITOR D!!!! We need those Snickerdoodles, stat!!!

Oct 02, 2009 By paperbagwriter 13 Comments