QC FYI: Low Testosterone? Try PORN!

They say that getting older is like aging a fine wine, but that's just a euphemism for dying. Truth is, the older you get, the less testosterone you produce. And the less testosterone you produce, the lazier, fatter, worse tempered and less sexually competent you'll become—or at least that's what American pharmaceutical companies want you to think.

Newsweek says that while the makers of quasi-furutsitic AndroGel are waiting to hawk their testosterone cream on aging men, there may be a far simpler solution: watching Diesel Washington rape a twink porn. According to the Yerkes Center for Primate Research at Emory University, monkeys that watch other monkeys get it on show as much as a 400% jump in testosterone levels, "promoting lean muscle and quick recovery times." Just having an erection is enough to encourage testosterone production:

Such findings, along with work that shows family life to be a drain on testosterone levels, prompted Rutgers University sex researcher Helen Fisher to advise this month that males in the "captivity situation"-her term for married with kids-"go on the Internet and look at porn" as a kind of hormone-replacement therapy. "[Porn] drives up dopamine levels, which drives up your testosterone," she tells NEWSWEEK, while kissing your wife or hugging your kids drives it down.

Aha! Let us just take a second to note that at least part the U.S. fight for full marriage equality includes a desire to have lower testosterone levels (just like straight men!). But even though porn's much easier and cheaper alternative to some moronic "hormone gel", therapist Wendy Maltz, co-author of "The Porn Trap", saysthat doctors probably won't prescribe Sean Cody as a cure because of the following reasons:

a) Americans are uptight about sex and would rather fix their sexual problems with drugs instead of looking at anything that would make the Baby Jesus cry.

b) Porn's a drug that may adversely affect your wife or job performance.

c) More than 1 in 10 users form an addicktion to porn (and if there's one thing QC supports, it's an addiction to porn).

Here's more from Ms. Maltz on the dangers of prescribing porn:

"Yes it's effective, yes it's powerful, yes it can produce a host of feel-good chemicals but the costs are extraordinary," she says, rattling off a list that includes rampant self-loathing, alienation from one's partner and a penchant for dangerously rough sex. The solution, she says, is to regulate porn like cigarettes by slapping a "Hazard" label on the kinky stuff. "I often feel like doctors must have in the 1950s," she says, "seeing firsthand the devastating consequences of cigarette smoking, while living in a society that continues to glamorize use, ignore research, overlook consequences and resist regulation."

Wow, did this woman drop out of Puritan England or what? Warning labels on our porn? That's just why we invented QCX. Of course, we always knew that looking at porn was good for you. What better way to alleviate stress, indulge in fantasies, and clear your sinuses?