QC FYI: Cum Tastes Gross, “Belongs” In Vaginas

Even though you may give your lover’s semen a cutesy culinary name such as “love honey,” “nut butter,” or “pearl jam” it’s a popular consensus that semen tastes kinda nasty. Yes, some folks like the taste (there’s even a cum cookbook and loads of advice on how to change the flavor of your fluid), but we’ve found that cum usually tastes like salmon-flavored brie at best and lumpy goat milk at worst.
However, one armchair evolutionary psychologist, Jerry Coyne, has theorized why jism tastes so bad. First, to prove it tastes bad, he got a friend to ask 24 females, “Sperm…would you spit or swallow? In other words, can you abide by or do you hate the taste?” One lonely female commented, “I should be so lucky.” But of the 17 who answered, 11 spit and only 6 swallowed. We imagine that if they asked gay men, the swallow side might have been higher or the answers more colorful (“Oh, I never swallow, I use it as lube” or “Only on weekends and never before midnight, darling.”)

One answer, of course, is that the chemicals necessary to make an ejaculate effective have the side effect of tasting bad. Semen is only about 5% sperm, with the remainder of the fluid consisting of a complex mixture of compounds from the prostate gland and seminal vesicle… Some of these amines have the names putrescine and cadaverine, which give an idea of how they smell… natural selection could presumably add some sugars or good-tasting stuff to semen if it were advantageous to do so. Why does it not do so?

Good question, though we’re curious why Jerry took up the question to begin with. Anyhow, he finally comes up with this brilliant, sensible, and utterly untestable. hypothesis:

Natural selection maintains the repugnant taste of semen so that a man’s sperm will wind up in the appropriate place: the vagina and not the stomach. So long as sperm tastes bad, women will not be tempted to swallow it, but will turn their male partner towards conventional intercourse, which of course is the only act that will produce children. In other words, any male with good-tasting sperm would have fewer offspring than his competitors. A man whose sperm tasted like honey would probably not have any children at all.

So if you do like the taste of jerkwad, then you may yourself be an evolved being (or just a cum-hungry whore). What do you think? Do you like the taste of cum? Do you spit or swallow? For safety reasons or for culinary ones? Does Jerry’s vaginal hypothesis make sense? Or do you find the whole subject (tee-hee) distasteful?