Cooking With Spunk!
THE PERFECT MIDNIGHT SNACK: Colonel Mustard with the lead pipe in the kitchen…
This holiday season, surprise your friends and family with a gift that only you can give them… the sweet, succulent taste of your semen. Yes folks, Natural Harvest is the cookbook you’ve been waiting for, if what you’ve been waiting for is a way to get your family members to eat your manseed without being arrested. The introduction explains:
“Foods we might find strange or unpleasant may be considered delicacies in other countries. Rotten fish is a national dish in Sweden… the British love their blood sausage, and guinea pigs are roasted for dinner in Peru.”
Mmmmm! Bloody wieners and roasted house pet? We’re sold! Oh, wait a minute… we’re not. Sure, semen may be a good midday snack or a nightcap after an evening of cocktail wieners and tossed salad, but most of the time it tastes like melted brie or salmon-flavored egg yolks… oh wait, maybe it is a delicacy. It’s a shame most men just ingest with without a thought or else spit it back onto the bellies or eyes of their lovers. Let’s read more:
“Semen producers can generate a wide range of semen tastes simply by making minot dietary adjustments. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.”
You mean to tell us that when those teenage fast-food cooks replaced the mayo in our chicken sandwiches with jism, they were just trying to expand our culinary horizons? Well, kudos to them, young innovators! We shouldn’t have called the Department of Health on you, after all!
CUM AGAIN? Some folks never tire of their favorite foods. Just ask your grandma. That reminds us… does anyone remember the testicle cookbook that recently came out? Now you can have a culinary orgy right in your own kitchen.
At least the cookbook has a good sense of humor with recipes for high-protein smoothies, cappuccino de Semi, man-made oysters, roasted lamb with good gravy, and creamy cum crepes. Can you imagine the dinner party: “Did you enjoy your meal?” “Why yes, very much.” “Good, because you just ingested about a pint of my semen. Bob’s too.” Won’t your guests be thrilled when they realize you’ve tricked them into eating your cum (once again)? And worse, what if they love your semen and demand more, you might find yourself being milked like a cow every night by your cum-hungry friends and too tired even to stand up or take a dump.
Also, if you’re jerking off straight into saucepans, does the chef still have to wash his hands afterwards? Or does the pungent, musky taste of nuts and crotch funk add another subtle flavor. Ahhh! Our compliments to the chef!
Via Sticky.
