PataPORN With Chinpoko!

I know. You’ve been crazed with life right now, haven’t you? Because it’s almost pool party season! It’s heating up!!!! I can’t believe summer is almost here and holy moly!!!! Gays everywhere north of the equator are cutting carbs, running extra laps, and manscaping like hell. You may be stressed, but I won’t keep you waiting for long. The hot porn is a cumming! It’s PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!

Sean Cody: Mac
Ladies and Gentlemen… Chinpoko, the singing penis
*Chinpoko singing to the tune of Mac the Knife*
Oh, the shark, babe, has such a cock, dear
And his cum is, pearly white
Just a jack off on Sean Cody, babe
Just for you boys, ah…just tonight.
Ya know when that Mac jacks, with his pecs, babe
Muscles flex hard, in Sean’s porn bed.
But gay sex, though, is not for Mac, babe
Yet in high school, he gave head.
Hey the line forms, at Mac’s cock babe
Now that Mac, dear s’about to nut
He shoots a load queer, you’re gonna love it,
Oh Mac, babe, Let me in yooour BUTT!
Editor’s note: We tried to get him not to sing, we really did. There’s just not talking to a stiff prick. Sorry.

Randy Blue: Benjamin, Chris and Malachi
So apparently Chris Rockway, is an idiot.
Well, at least that’s what the scriptwriters at Randy Blue want you to believe. This video begins with Chris & Malachi bemoaning the fact that they have to wait so long for dinner; Chris is grilling hot dogs. Well, Chris enters the scene and says he forgot to turn the grill on. Lame. Like that would ever happen. To end the dialogue, Chris (always the gentleman), grabs his dick and asks, “Well, how about this hot dog?” In response, Benjamin and Malachi nod like puppies waiting for a treat. Then they disrobe and display the gayest looking underwear in the world.
This is so not original dialogue at all. Look, if you’re going to do dialogue, then fucking commit to it and do it right! Honestly, I’m disappointed. Chris Rockway’s been in some pretty clever and funny stuff on Randy Blue. This dialogue’s unrealistic—these muscle queens would NEVER eat a hot dog.
That said, let’s talk about the video.
Firstly, Chris Rockway is simply an amazing performer—he makes me wet. If I had an ass—which I don’t, animators!—but if I did have an ass, I’d beg Chris to fuck me… beg for it. They get to the anal sex real quick on this video and Benjamin makes a beautiful bottom. His smooth tanned ass looks delectable as Chris’ manlier body pounds him. Malachi—always the pro—rides Benjamin’s dick like a jockey on a thoroughbred.
Overall the fucking and sucking’s hot. The guys are fairly vocal, a little too “yelley” for my taste, especially on the cum shots.
Oh yeah, the cum shots. Well, Malachi completely wastes a good load of cum as he pulls out and shoots on the floor. Why not on someone’s back, face, or leg?! Come on! Chris’ is okay, but Benjamin’s… oh, Benjamin. This kid shoots such a creamy wet load that I ended up cumming with him. Pretty polite of me, eh?

English Lads: Scott Jacks Off Outside
I love it when guys jack-off outside.
Wait… correction: I love it when guys jack-off outside and the camera crew actually makes sure they’re well lit with outside noise at a minimum.
Well, done English Lads, well done. The quality of the video’s pretty damn good, and that’s saying something for an outdoor video. It also helps that Scott is hotter than Prince William getting cock banged by his little brother.
Watching Scott stroke his tool while he wears those shades! PATA PATA! I just imagined Tom Cruise in TOP GUN—before the bitch got crazy.
Anyway, Scott’s breathtaking in this video and I’ve already beat off to it three times today. Ultimately, I’ll let you see it for yourselves, but the Scott’s load is well… spectacular.
Hottest post of the week… by far.

Blake Mason: 400th Film Celebrates a Four-Man Orgy
So, Blake Mason is celebrating his 400th film. Wow 400. That’s an achievement. That’s a lot of work. That’s something to celebrate!
So all you’re doing is a four way?
Maybe I’ve become porn-desensitized. But when I think of 400 films, I think of 40 guys or at least an exotic location. Needless to say, I was unimpressed when I saw this post.
And then I watched the film.
It’s hot. I have to say, I haven’t partaken in Blake Mason as much as I should… where does he get these guys? Matt has one of the hottest uncut cocks I’ve ever seen.
But the crowing moment of the film is Tony getting it up the ass. Of course, Blake says he’s never bottomed before. Yeah, right. And I’ve never had crabs. Tony rides dick like a professional and his smooth body almost has a grace to it. When he finally shoots, it’s like a racehorse ripping out of his stall.
I’m so glad you took time from your hectic schedule; wasn’t this nice? Maybe I could be the gay Mr. Rogers. PataPORN’s just the place to come, put on a sweater, and beat off. PATA PATA! So bring your cardigan next week, but for now, get out there and get turned on!