“Ex-Boyfriends” Zack Randall And Derek Rivero Make Video To Explain Derek’s Last Video

The parade of tears that is Zack Randall and Derek Rivero’s “non-breakup” continues. Just to bring you up to speed: First Derek announced their breakup and then followed up the announcement with an ice-cold video press release. Then Zack won 2009 Freshman of the Year (because he’s fucking beautiful) and peed on himself some more.
Then, Zack and Derek revealed that their breakup was actually just a big shadowy conspiracy by the porn world puppeteers, then they showed up at an Unzipped gala arm-in-arm to celebrate Zack’s award. Most recently, catty twink Phillip Ashton created a scathing blog accusing Derek and Zack of spousal abuse, infidelity, possessing drug paraphernalia and child rape.
Yesterday, the terror twinks released a video admitting that their entire break-up was just an ill-conceived publicity stunt for Zack’s career. While they stopped short of naming the devious mastermind behind it, they did implicate Ron Davis (aka Jim Mason), owner of BoysPissing.com. According to sassy queen Derek, Ron supposedly drunk-dialed Derek while he and Zack were in Nepal. In a pink-champagne fueled rage over the phone, Ron vowed to do everything in his power to break Zack and Derek up. Why Zack and Derek would then fake a break-up on this guy’s advice is beyond us. But twinks do strange things sometimes.
As far as Phillip Ashton goes, Derek and Zack admit that they to have to forcibly hold each other down from time to time, but that’s completely normal in a three-year relationship. Err… if you say so, boys. Completely unaware of his own porn standing, Derek then calls Ashton a washed-up porn groupie. Umm… pot-kettle-black, Mr. Rivero? We mean, you are Arsenio Hall to Mr. Randall’s Eddie Murphy, Sonny to his Cher, Ringo to his rest of The Beatles*.
We can spare you the agony of watching their fifteen-minute video by telling you that what we’ve written is infinitely more succinct and entertaining than the endless cum-flavored drivel spilling out of their twink mouths. For most of the video, you wish they’d just shut the fuck up and start making out. In the video’s final half-minute, they do and it’s the best part of the entire vid because after that, it’s thankfully over. Good job, boys. D-minus.
*this joke shamelessly stolen from The Simpsons.