10 Reasons We’re Psyched About American Apparel’s New BUTT Magazine Beach Towels

American Apparel just announced the arrival of new summertime beach towels graced by the coverboys of BUTT Magazine and we’re stoked. Why? Oh, just 10 very good reasons… and most of them have to do with cock.
1) ARPAD MIKLOS!!!1! – We’ve always wanted to lay on top of the hairy straight-for-pay top and now we can, and at only a fraction of the cost that it takes to hire him as an escort.

2) BUTT Magazine is hawt – Man, we wrote about BUTT back when you were still masturbating to Honcho. OK, not really, but it is a hot and brainy porn rag and if you haven’t been getting off to it, there’s no better time to start.

3) They’re based on real people – Usually whenever we see a hot guy printed on a towel, he’s some sort of cheesy cartoon; the sort that you’d feel ultra desperate actually jerking off to. Since the men on these towels are real guys with names like Ernie, Juan, and Brian, we don’t feel so bad wanking off to them while in the changing room.

4) Diversity! – The towels let you choose between a beefy white guy, a ripped black photographer, a hung Hungarian, or a hot Colombian fashion student. Never before have international studs been so easy to lay.

5) Some of the guys actually look like us – As you already know, love ripped and manicured porn studs, but we love men of other shapes and sizes too. So it’s nice to know that a lot of other guys still find us sexy even if we don’t look like rippling porn gods.
Five more reasons including a glimpse of the cock towel, after the jump!

6) They’re photo negative – Not only do you get a hot guy printed on one side, but you get his reverse image printed on the other side as well. It’s arty in an Andy Warhol sorta way (and you know he was a big perv who woulda loved to get his hands on one of these boys).

7) One actually shows cock – BUTT Magazine knows what we like and they’re not playing around. They deliver the well-hung bear composer and lyricist Ernie Lijoi. He’s a stud and now instead of dreaming about him in the soggy pages of BUTT, you can dry off your wet cock with his—fun.

8) We need bigger cum towels – It’s not that we cum huge loads, it’s just that we cum several times every day and we’re tired of spending hundreds of dollars on Kleenex. Now, with these large soft beach towels, we can lovingly swab off our cock and fall asleep on the cottony softness of our unborn children.

9) They’ll make beach cruising easier – What better way to tell other beach-goers that you’re a gay then a big pink towel with a naked man on it? Plus, the naked guy on your towel will clearly convey just what you’re looking for later.

10) Their sales help queer teens – A portion of all sales will be donated to the Ali Forney Center, a NYC organization providing housing and services to LGBTQ youth. That’s wonderful, though we can’t help but snicker at the thought that some of them won’t know that their resources came from an NYC porn mag and one of the perviest retailers out of LA.