Wal-Mart Is Not The Best Place To Jerk Off In Private

We know just how hard it is to find a space to fuck in public. But finding a public place to masturbate should be easy, right? Just find a bathroom and go. Well, not for one enterprising young man. When he found himself turned on by all the fine honeys hanging at the Florida Wal-Mart, he did what any sensible man would do—he grabbed a Sports Illustrated swimsuit portfolio and went to spank it in the toy aisle.
28-year-old William Tyler Black apparently spunked onto the floor, swirled it around with his shoe, wiped his gooey hand on a toy light saber, and walked to the front of the store where an officer confronted him. Black claimed he was just shopping for a toy for his daughter and said, “I swear I’m not a pervert.” Then he offered to clean up his mess because he is a gentleman.
Instead of taking him up on his gracious offer, the police hauled him into jail for a month. In the end, Black copped a plea bargain where he will wear a GPS tracking anklet for 2 year to make sure he stays away from Wal-Marts and any place selling children’s toys. That’s not a bad deal seeing as going to Wal-Mart is its own punishment. But let that be a warning to all you would-be public masturbators—either go into a dressing room or to a bookstore instead.