Ask QC: Am I in an abusive relationship?
Dear Ask QC,
I’m a 24 year old guy and have been in a long term relationship with my partner (36) for the last five years.
I love him to bits, really love him to the point where he can do nothing wrong in my eyes. That may sound a bit extreme to some, but I think he is totally wonderful and I love him and all his idiosyncrasies and nuances. I suppose in my case you can literally say that love is blind! And, I’ve never felt there was anything wrong with that either, we can’t help the people we fall in love with can we?
But recently a few of my very closest friends took me to one side and mentioned their concerns that I am in an abusive relationship. This totally surprised me as I had no thoughts of that at all. I am not physically abused in any way, but my closest friends made these comments after a recent dinner party at our home. They particularly pointed out the fact that my partner ignores me or just talks over me constantly when we are in company and they say he doesn’t value my opinion when there is a group discussion.
I can’t say that I have ever really been bothered with that either, but they say its wrong and that I shouldn’t be walked over like that. I will admit that I am a fairly easy going and placid guy, not really boastful and more than happy to just sit there and enjoy an evening. But I am a little concerned that my close friends think or feel that I am being abused and that I am living an in abusive relationship.
So my question is, if I don’t feel abused am I actually in an abusive relationship or not? This probably sounds trivial to some of the questions asked here but it’s irritating me now and I’m not really sure who to ask for advice on this. Any experiences from others would really be most helpful – thanks!
Best wishes,
Jeremy
Hi Jeremy and thanks for your questions and concerns. You’re situation is certainly a thought provoking issue and highlights that there are no two relationships the same. What we experience inside our most intimate relationships with our partners can often appear so differently to those on the outside. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Jeremy is this situation? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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