Ask QC: I only get off if my man moans
Dear Ask QC,
I’m not sure if I have a fetish or what but I can only get off if my man moans. If I date someone and we’re having sex and they are the silent or quiet type I actually lose my erection.
On the other hand, if my man moans and groans and makes all sorts of noises of pleasure and ecstasy then the intensity of sexual turn on is out of this world. It’s on another level – really!
I don’t have a regular bf at the moment, I’m still in college but like to date, its hard finding someone compatible and it’s so hit and miss in the bars or dating apps knowing if someone is going to be noisy in bed or not. I’m not even sure how I can bring this up in conversation before (or during) a date. But I know I feel really let down and disappointed especially at how I react with a quiet guy. It’s not good for him or me when I lose my erection and then ultimately my interest (I generally only top and love to fuck). The thing is, once this has happened with a date then we never meet up again. I did try to discuss it with a previous date and he said he would be more vocal the next time but we never hooked up as I felt it would be fake or put on sounds just to please me (which is just as bad as no noises).
Although I didn’t realize this I think it’s become a fetish or trigger for me and I don’t know what to do about it – I don’t want to lose it, yet I want to be able to overcome it when I date quiet guys. Any ideas on what to do?
Thanks guys xoxo
Marty
Hi Marty and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. We all have certain triggers that turn us on (or off) during sex and hearing your man moan in pleasure is a common one. When your man moans you know you are doing it right and this in itself sexually stimulates you too. Your man making noises equates to positive feedback that he is sexually responding to you and this reinforces that you are arousing him in the right way too. As you have discovered finding a guy that you know will excite you during sex by doing this can be a little challenging but it’s by no means impossible. You may have to find a comfortable way around bringing up this topic before a date and generally humor works, especially during the chatting up phase. You could bring up the topic around to sexual boundaries and then mention the specific things that turn you on (which in your case is your partners aurual responses, being noisy and just generally letting go). Sexual preferences can take many forms and in your case seems to affect your performance too – letting your partner know this beforehand may well take off that pressure too. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Marty? Are you turned on by a man moaning in pleasure? Do you have a particular fetish that triggers you? How have you brought this up with your dates? If you have any ideas on how to help Marty with this issue then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!
