Ask QC: Do I Tell Her? Part Two
Ask QC: Do I Tell Her? Part One.
Dear QC,
Well I thought I would write back to let you know how things have developed, a LOT has happened over the last six weeks!
I also want to thank everyone for all the advice given, I was amazed at the response and the differing views everyone had on this, like I said it was a very difficult situation for me and I really had to think long and hard to consider whether I should tell her or not.
As it turns out, she caught him "at it" (although it was with another woman) and she threw the jerk out. I confided in her as soon as she told me that she had caught him being unfaithful, and although it hurt her a lot she said ultimately she was glad that I had told her about what he had been up to. She didn't want to believe me at first as she really had no idea he had bisexual tendencies, but I even admitted to being turned on and tempted by him and she was cool about me actually admitting that. She said she realized something was up a while back and she had noticed me avoiding them (but especially him), I guess I wasn't being as subtle as I thought afterall. It was a bit of a double shock for her I suppose but she is well rid of him!
So I just thought I would give you some feedback on this, I know every situation isn't the same, but she said that I really should have told her earlier, not that she's blaming me or anything, its been a dreadful and hurtful experience for her.
Thanks again everyone for your advice.
J.
Please feel free to share your own experiences in the comments section.
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QC Asians
Reader Comments
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Hurray for you! Your sister will be in your life forever and now she knows that you put her first. I think you were smart to avoid him and I'm glad she threw him out.
Bravo for you.. Your sister will be in your life now. She will trust you more than you throught. You were very very smart to avoid for long time. It pays you off for many reasons...Bravo....
While I am sincerely glad that someone you care about is rid of another who would have been less-than-nice to both that person and to you, I hope that this is not the start of you acting as trusted-adviser, especially one with de facto veto power, to every relationship your sister gets into henceforth.
Pity the straight non-cheating sister's-boyfriend who needs to undergo your scrutiny. Imagine having to be approved, or getting rejected, by an opinionated straight-sister or straight-brother of your gay-boyfriend.
There has never been any point where my sister has asked for approval of her partners and I have never scrutinised her choice before this incident. Its been an unfortunate turn of events, but there is nothing wrong with looking out for your relatives or friends choice of partner, particularly if you discover they are cheating on them. Whilst we love and care for our brothers, sisters and friends ultimately their choice of partner is theirs alone and we can only hope that their relationships blossom and develop rather than turn sour as was the case here. Just because this has happened to her doesnt mean that I will pre-judge her choices and its rather narrow minded for you to suggest that I will now do so - if anything you are the one now being judgemental about me possibly being judgemental in the future! Just accept the fact that someone who has hurt her is no longer part of her or our families life and lets hope she finds a better partner next time.